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DP constantly looking for arguments

(11 Posts)
RoniP Mon 22-Apr-13 08:07:17

We never used to argue, in fact we used to pride ourselves on the fact that we never argued.
These past few weeks however it's all we seem to do and it seems like he enjoys it and goes out of his way to start one.
Last weekend we'd gone out for a drink, he was fine all night and then suddenly errupted and started on me about something my son had done earlier that day.
He was away Friday night and I we were child free Saturday night so had made plans to have a really good night, cinema and then out for a drink with house viewings on Sunday. He was out with his kids all Saturday, I was stuck in doing housework all day despite the sun but really looking forward to letting my hair down on the night. So he arrives at 6.30pm and starts getting on at me about my kid's behaviour. Something my son had done the previous night and then my kids untidyness etc. He went on that long that we never even ended up going out at all. Gutted.
Sunday we spend the day viewing houses. First two not so great but the 3rd one was amazing, loved everything about it and it ticked every box we had. DP loved it too and was so enthusiastic about it, we both agreed we'd put an offer on in the morning (today). So of course I'm dead excited about this and so is he - we go out to cinema, have a great time there, he's still saying he can't stop thinking about this house and how perfect it is - I agree and say all we can do is put in an offer and hope to god we get it, he agrees. We get home, I make us a drink, we have a kiss and a cuddle and then all of a sudden he starts on me saying I'm untidy, the house is a shit hole and when am I going to start being more organised and tidy. I tell him I'd been doing housework all Saturday whilst he was out having a good time in the sun and yeah, the house is a mess but that's because I'm really bloody busy at the moment but I'm trying, he said he could see I was trying and things were improving - he acknowledged that.

So we go up to bed and this niggling thought was at the back of my head and I said "so, we putting in an offer first thing tomorrow yeah?" and he replies "oh I'm not sure about that anymore, I don't think you want to be tidy and organised so maybe we wouldn't get on living together full time?"

WTF? I was so happy and excited about that house and so was he, how can he change his mind like that in the matter or hours??? It's like he's just going out of his way to be argumentative and difficult.

AmberLeaf Mon 22-Apr-13 08:11:38

Im guessing he doesn't want to move in together with you and is engineering arguments to bring that to a head.

RoniP Mon 22-Apr-13 08:13:25

But I've said to him many times that if he doesn't want to move in together, he just needs to say and we can put a halt to it - he always insists that he doesn't want to put a halt to it and definitely does want us to move in together.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 22-Apr-13 08:14:17

I would not buy a house with this man, sorry.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Apr-13 08:14:57

Lashing out verbally & picking fights where none exist can be down to a lot of things. Stress for one... jobs, money, moving house, insecurity generally. Affairs are another. If he's talking about not 'living together full time', for example, it is not unheard of for someone to line up a new partner and then start picking fights with the old one as a way of justifying their behaviour.

Time for a serious chat. If he's stressed he needs to deal with it and not take it out on other people. If he's unhappy in the relationship and wants to end it he needs to be honest about it rather than making himself unpleasant. Don't stand for 'no change'... get to the bottom of it.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Apr-13 08:15:28

Don't you live together already?

unebagpipe Mon 22-Apr-13 08:15:38

Sounds like a frank discussion is needed.

Littleturkish Mon 22-Apr-13 08:17:08

He definitely wants you to say you don't want to live together.

Staryeyed Mon 22-Apr-13 08:21:49

Are you the poster with the issues about not meeting your Dp's children and being left at home on Saturday? And the one with the issues with your Dp being rude at the Estate Agents?

AmberLeaf Mon 22-Apr-13 08:24:19

Sounds like he doesn't want to say 'I don't want to move in with you' so he is engineering fights, so that YOU will say it for him.

Watch his behavior NOT his words.

clam Mon 22-Apr-13 09:47:44

Who is he to acknowledge whether you're "trying" to keep your own house tidy? That alone would get a hmm from me.

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