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hit by dh and mum today.

(71 Posts)
havingtrouble Sun 21-Apr-13 17:36:23

I am so desperate and confused and have no one in rl to talk to about this.
DH an I have a difficult relationship.
I can be agressive and goady.Hard to live with and emotionally complicated.

This morning in bed at 5.55 I complained when dd woke us up again.We had a huge row culminating in him grabbing my face and pushing down on me whilst lying down.He also held a blanket over my face.This sort of thing does not happen often, but he has done similar,I have been violent to him in the past.

By this afternoon we were on speaking terms at a family event.

My mother is too involved in our relationship.
After food they went outside and didnt reappear for more than an hour.I know they were talking about me/us.It made me very uncomfortable infront of rest of family.

I got so uncomfortable that I got my stuff together and said I was leaving.At the door, they were coming in.
I told them that I think is was bad form.She said she wanted to talk to me.

Iwas quite wound up and said no I was leaving.

She pushed me into a room , attacked me said I was ruining my marriage, pulled my hair so it came out in clumps, slapped and kicked me.I was trying to be quiet, so as not to let my children/ other family members know what was happening.

This is all so shameful.The only way I could stop her was by hitting back.I am crying as I write this.

I got out of the room and told dh we were leaving.Mother said she wanted to see the kids!??He stayed with them.I am at home lost and confused.

Please help me.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Sun 21-Apr-13 17:42:02

Erm u need to split!!! There's kids and you and dh and his mum all hot eachother. That's a ridiculous situation. That poor child. Please seek help, anger management or mediation etc. this isn't normal sad

havingtrouble Sun 21-Apr-13 17:42:57

its MY MUM.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Sun 21-Apr-13 17:44:19

U need to not see her too then cos that's just not on. She has no right and family or not its assult!! You can't possibly trust her with the children if she's done that.

Lueji Sun 21-Apr-13 17:45:07

Big hugs.

You really shouldn't put up with this.

And you need to break the cycle by walking away.

This environment is not good at all for you or your children.

I think you should ring WA for advice regarding both and possibly definitely your local DV unit.

cocolepew Sun 21-Apr-13 17:45:33

Leave your husband, have no more to do with your mum.
Phone the police and report both of them.

DreamsTurnToGoldDust Sun 21-Apr-13 17:45:35

Leave, as soon as the children are back, ring Woman's Aid and walk well away from them all. X

Branleuse Sun 21-Apr-13 17:47:00

Its not ok for them to be violent to you, and its not ok for you to be aggressive, goady and violent to your partner.

I think there needs to be some serious work done on the underlying issues.

What is going on?

have you ever had any sort of therapy?

Do you want to be married? It doesnt sound like any of you like each other very much and this is an absolutely toxic situation for your children to be in.

Chubfuddler Sun 21-Apr-13 17:47:08

Police. They've both assaulted you. Your mother is a fucking disgrace. Obviously your husband is too but it seems men treating their wives like this is sadly common. I am astounded that your mother has.

BabyHMummy Sun 21-Apr-13 17:47:52

I think you need you all need to address your anger issues. Violence is NEVER the answer.

If dh was trying to protect himself from you then that is a different thing altogether but ur mum has no right to get involved and certainly no right to physically attack you

It may be worth of poaaoble to distance yourself fro. Both of them

Hope you are ok though Xxx

headlesslambrini Sun 21-Apr-13 17:48:09

I think you need to go and see your GP as a emergency appointment tomorrow. You admit that you have a temper and goad for a reaction and you need to understand why you do this and were all this anger comes from otherwise you'll never overcome it. I think, from what you have written that all of you are to blame in some way.

Please get to the doctor tomorrow and tell him/her the whole truth, they can't help you if they don't know the full story.

Wishfulmakeupping Sun 21-Apr-13 17:49:26

You really need to call the police please do it now OP this can't go on

ballstoit Sun 21-Apr-13 17:49:53

I'd be reporting both assaults to the police asap. Your children are not safe.

Do you have friends you can call for some urgent support now to collect your dc?

What exactly is the relationship between your H and your Mum?

Freddiemisagreatshag Sun 21-Apr-13 17:56:51

Phone the police. Now. Report the two of them. Kick your DH out and have nothing more to do with your mother. Ever.

havingtrouble Sun 21-Apr-13 17:58:34

I have no money or job.
We are already in therapy.
Mother and DHI feel club against me.Dh knows what she did and said I should not have been rude at the door.

reelingintheyears Sun 21-Apr-13 17:59:11

At least keep a record of your Mother's attack,it sounds like she'll side with your DH if you leave and take the DC.

It needs to be on the record that she has attacked you,ripping out your hair is serious,photographs of any bruising etc.

Fuck it,go to the police,show them your bruising and where your hair was pulled out.
It will at least discredit anything she may say about you if you do decide to leave.

QuintessentialOHara Sun 21-Apr-13 18:00:43

All three of you are a disgrace, and if you cant report your dh and your mum to the police, I suggest voluntarily giving your children up for fostering as they have no less than three violent and aggressive role models. Next thing you know they will join your dh and mum in beating you up; they will think it is the norm.

You need to break this cycle. Your dh and mum or your kids. Sorry if that is harsh, but that is my view.

Lueji Sun 21-Apr-13 18:01:47

Your H does it because he feels protected by your mother and she does it because she feels protected by your H.

The police and WA will protect you.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Sun 21-Apr-13 18:02:00

how old are you OP? Were you treated like this as a child?

This sort of behaviour is NOT on, not by your mum, you or your husband. You need to seek help, call Womens Aid. They can and will help you.

Lueji Sun 21-Apr-13 18:04:16

And you need to protect yourself.

By doing nothing you are allowing them to keep doing it.

And, yes, leaving your children in a fucked up environment.

And even if the OP is guilty of emotional or verbal abuse, it doesn't justify this kind of physical aggression. They should have walked away themselves.

NomNomDePlum Sun 21-Apr-13 18:06:56

separate things out - you are violent, you don't want to be. seek help with that.

your h held a blanket over your face. that is far beyond lashing out in anger. you need to separate, for your own safety.

you had an argument with your mother, you were perhaps more rude than necessary - she physically attacked you. you then left your children with her. you need to avoid her if she is violent to you, and you shouldn't leave your children with someone who behaves this way.

havingtrouble Sun 21-Apr-13 18:08:13

I am 31.She was violent to me as I child.I have been hit with a broom,whipped and smacked by her.The thing is I love her, lean on her too much and have a strong bond with her, strange as that sounds.

Hissy Sun 21-Apr-13 18:11:25

Can we stop fucking blaming the OP here? She's not as bad as the other 2, she's not fucking goading (seriously, where did that come from ffs)

Op, get out. Get your dc out, even if only in the clothes you stand up in, but get out.

You do nmeed help, ideally you need bank statements, benefit award letters etc, but you have been assaulted.

Take yourself to the police station, report them both and ask for the DV team.

Are there any cultural issues at play here? I ony ask cos I struggle to comprehend that this would be coming from a native UK set up, it smacks of far a culture far less enlightened.. But I'm sure I could also sadly be wrong.

Whatever your situation is, you are going to need support, so please keep posting, please lwt us help you find the way through and out of all this.

You're so brave.

CleopatrasAsp Sun 21-Apr-13 18:12:48

She is an abuser, she is not your friend. You need to walk away from both of them because this is a poisonous dynamic. Go to the police and report the assault by your mother. Leave your DH, anyone who holds a blanket over your face is a disgrace - whatever goading you have done. Then get some counselling on your own to help you deal with your upbringing and the fact that you ended up with an abusive husband - the two are almost certainly interlinked. You cannot 'goad' people into being violent, they ALWAYS have the choice not to be.

Hissy Sun 21-Apr-13 18:14:03

My love, what you describe about how you feel about you mother appears more like fear, not love.

You need to leave your Mum behind. She could literally be the death of you.

I'm so sorry.

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