Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Should I bin this friend? If so, how? long sorry.

(8 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Sat 20-Apr-13 19:17:09

I have a friend who attached herslef to me when we were both single and we used to go out together. e love life is complex, she is seperated , can't decide if she wants her dh back and is sleeping around with younger men. Full on Drama.
She cam be a bit controlling. I went out with her a few months back, she wanted me to go to the local club whereas I wanted to stay in the pub. She put pressure on me until I went clubbing.
The real trouble starte dwhen I met my newly ex bf. Suddenly I didn't want to go clubbing anymore. I was getting bad pmt so didn't want to go clubbing. Instead I arranged a curry night whilst my ex went out with his mates. I invited a group of friends round for a curry including her. At first she said yes to the curry, then changed her story and siad could we go out after the curry, then she asked if I would cancel my curry night with friends in order to go clubbing with her! shock Of course I told her no. During curry night I was getting very upset and distressed about my ex bf for some reason. I was clearly not fit to go out; I was an emotional mess. I had siad I would go out with this friend even though I didn't want to. She came around and my best mate told her I wasn't fit to go out. She applied pressure on me until I went out. I did have a good time but it was clear that she just wanted a mate to go out with rather than caring for my welfare.
The final straw happened when I was talking aboutbf last weekI said that everything in the relationship was going great. She then sais 'are you sure it's passionate enough?' . In other words Is there enough Drama.
My break up was not her fault and I take full responsibilty but I do think that she planted a seed of doubt in my mind when I have always had great sex with my ex. That night I got cross with my ex when he refused to put out. I wonder if I allowed that comment to rankle?
Anyway she knows we have split and stil wants me to phone her so we can talk about her problems. No. What can I do?

superstarheartbreaker Sun 21-Apr-13 07:46:37

Anyone? She just texted me last night to moan that I didn't put an exclamation mark on one of my texts so felt annoyed. Selfish cow.

Lizzabadger Sun 21-Apr-13 07:51:03

Just phase her Out. Take your time responding to her texts and then respond briefly and unemotionally. Don't invite her to stuff. Be busy 2 out of 3 times when she invites you etc.

Life is too short to waste on people you don't want to spend time with.

something2say Sun 21-Apr-13 08:13:05

Don't feel the need to explain, and if she pushes you, say 'I don't want to.' X

superstarheartbreaker Sun 21-Apr-13 08:32:52

Dosn't she desverve an explanation though? It would be a bit like what my ex did to me; stonewalling which ok was my fault but made me feel awful. I'd rather write her an email or something. We are quite close.
Am I being unreasonable about this btw?

superstarheartbreaker Sun 21-Apr-13 08:33:07

Or is she being an idiot?

Walkacrossthesand Sun 21-Apr-13 09:38:38

Morning, superstar. In your OP you describe 2 occasions on which your friend persuaded you out when you didn't really want to, but you had a good time anyway, and one comment she made about your (now) ex-BF. if you are close friends, and the friendship is otherwise a good one, there's no reason why you shouldn't talk to her about what's going on for her. If, on the other hand (which I suspect) the issue is that the pattern of your friendship is that it's all about her, and you've reached the end of your rope, you can try shifting the balance by responding in different ways (not giving in to pressure when she tries to persuade you, not always being available at her beck & call). If she doesn't like it, then the friendship will wither away.

springyhappychick Sun 21-Apr-13 19:13:21

Why did you go out the second time when you clearly weren't up to it? YOu say you had a good time - she will pressure you again because you gave in two times. She's learnt that all she needs to do is pressure you and she'll get what she wants.

Are you a mother? If so, treat her the way you treat your kids: no means no, doesn't matter how much she carries on it'll still be no.

It's up to you to put the boundaries in place with her. yes she's hard work but is she worth the hard work? I have friends who are hard work but they are great fun - I just need to keep my boundaries t-i-g-h-t around them, then we're both happy.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now