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how to go from relationship to friends?

(8 Posts)
astowhattodo Sat 20-Apr-13 16:21:21

have nc for this. decided to break up with a lovely guy because long term he wants a babies and I don't intend to have any more (I'm divorced, 2 dcs, he's a bit younger and never married/no dcs) have been with him just under a year. We get along well and have a lot of chemistry and affection.

decision to break up was hard but felt right and he respects that but wants to be friends. I'd like that too (but still feel very attracted to him)

has anyone done this transition, stayed friends, and how best to go about it?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 20-Apr-13 16:46:58

If you still feel very attracted don't stay friends. It's a lovely idea but if you try to stick around on a fairly contrive friendship basis when there is still a lot of sexual chemsitry someone is going to get hurt.

Lavenderhoney Sat 20-Apr-13 17:43:26

Go nc for at least 6 months, fb, everything. You can both move on and probably won't bother. This only works if you live in a big town or city though, and don't work together.

If you live in a village and see each other through work, a friendly wave and no chatting or meeting for drinks and dinner should be enough. Certainly not at weekends either. Those days are for meeting and dating new people ( traditionally) I guess times may have changedsmile

Undertone Sat 20-Apr-13 19:44:43

I've been on the other end of this. Trying to stay friends is awful. To deny the other party their feelings of desire is like a long, tortuous rejection.

End it. No contact. Let them move on.

astowhattodo Sat 20-Apr-13 21:25:43

thankyou one and all.
feelings of desire are on both sides - so perhaps we'd both end up feeling rejected/hurt in the longer term?
he'll feel rejected anyway if I say I don't want to see him any more even as friends.
It does seem to be a consensus sad although perhaps after 6 months without contact it's possible? seems a long time.

I can't see there's any alternative but to end it because having children/not having them would come between us in the eventually, it's not negotiable. I'm really struggling with it because I already have deep feelings for him, but felt it had got to that point where I either had to introduce him to dcs and take it further, or end it <guess I'm hoping someone will tell me I did the right thing sad> I don't want to hurt him and I'm really sad too.
thanks

cinnamonsugar Sat 20-Apr-13 21:42:48

An ex of mine once said "You shouldn't try to be friends until the immediate feeling that you need to is gone" (or something along those lines) In other words, people often just feel like they need to hang on to friendship in the aftermath of a break-up but it's really just part of the break-up/not wanting things to be over - which makes a real friendship impossible really without a break.

scaevola Sat 20-Apr-13 21:51:56

Agree with those who say no contact for 6 months or so. You need to be moving on, and you can't do that if you're still meeting up, texting, emailing or whatever. You need a total break, to get the relationship pattern completely ended (and any lustful thoughts directed elsewhere) before even trying.

astowhattodo Sun 21-Apr-13 16:43:55

thanks
oh dear I feel like not seeing him for 6 months would be awful sad
I'm really in a mess with all this. I want to carry on the relationship (maybe I've screwed it up and it's too late anyway?) but also I don't because I know it can't last in the longer term

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