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Ideas for bringing back intimacy (and slowly sex) when it has been missing from your relationship a long time

(6 Posts)
Littlehousesomewhere Sat 20-Apr-13 00:06:57

Would really appreciate some ideas and positive experiences please.

For us making time for it is the biggest obstacle but when you are so busy with daily life and you tend to spend any spare couple time as friends watching tv or talking about everyday things, rather than lovers it is difficult to instigate some changes.

Also finding it hard to see myself in the role of a woman who has a sex life.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 20-Apr-13 08:55:51

It's all about creating the right conditions. Good sex is not just a physical act it's a state of mind. You need to relax, connect and tune in to turn on. Prioritise some time. Diarise it if necessary. Switch off the TV, fill a bath with bubbles and talk while you bathe each other, for example. Reminiscing can be a good way to turn the conversation away from grocery shopping and lawnmowing .... think back to when you met, what first attracted you to each other, first time you made love, daft places you've had sex.

Goes without saying that this can't be a one-sided thing. Like that brilliant song by Victoria Wood 'Let's Do It'.... where she's trying to get jiggy and he's going on about lagging the pipes.... he's got to make the effort as well.

Fairylea Sat 20-Apr-13 09:03:23

I think you have to stop overthinking it. Otherwise it will never happen. And don't wait for bedtime as when you have dc you're often too knackered before bed.

Some things we do to keep our sex life going .. (we have two dc, a dd aged 10 and a ds 10 months - they both go to bed about 8.30)...
I walk into the room naked when he's not expecting it and flash him a cheeky grin for a big hint!
I go upstairs and get naked under the covers and send him a text if he's downstairs telling him to essentially get upstairs smile
He will come up to me in the kitchen during the day and give me a lovely kiss and cuddle and it sort if gets us in the mood for.later...
We send each other naughty texts during the day. Flirty, romantic or sexy. All builds closeness.
We often have sex in the morning on a day off when dd is downstairs watching tv and ds is having a nap.

I think a lot of it is frame of mind. I know I went off sex for a while and couldn't be bothered but if I start thinking about having sex later in the day then it's like a switch goes off and I look forward to it!

We used to have sex everyday but now it's once or twice a week but we enjoy being close and that's the main thing. We always tell each other we love each other during sex (and everyday all day).....

I'd just go for it and see what your dh does smile

Absolutelylost Sat 20-Apr-13 09:03:56

My counsellor also recommended some flirty texts during the day, building expectation....certainly worked for us!

Absolutelylost Sat 20-Apr-13 09:05:44

Any mention of lingerie during the day is a definite winner...

Littlehousesomewhere Sat 20-Apr-13 09:37:31

Great thanks for those ideas. I think trying not to over think it and making some clear times for doing something different and intimate will be what I (and we) need to work on first.

Got to try and overcome my body confidence issues first though.

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