I have name changed for this. I also don't think this is the right place but I need help and there is a lot of traffic here. I have been with my DH for 10 years married for 8 and we have 4 lovely DCs. I had our youngest 2 years ago and it nearly killed me. I was told after I had him that I could not have any more children. This was fine because we already have 4 and we both know how luck we are to have them.
Anyway I have been ill on and off for about 3 months and I had just put it down to a sickness bug. However DH was worried so I went to my local GP, 2 days ago and it turns out I am pregnant (about 16 weeks gone)with twins. They are small for their age but they are alive and the doctor believes that they are growing.
I am terrified and I had to wait until Dh came home to tell him. He is very upset and when I had finished telling him he got up and left and he is refusing to talk about it at all. I have asked him if he would just sit and talk to me. He said no. I told him that I am scared and that I need hi to talk to me. He said that this was all my fault and he didn't want to talk about it. He left the house and didn't return until late. Today he has only spoken the bare minimum to me and once the DCs were in bed he just went upstairs.
I have a specialist appointment tomorrow which I have told him about, but he just ignored me. I have no idea what to do. I need to talk to him about this because they are his babies to. I am so scared and I don't know how to get him to listen to me. Any help?
Didn't want to read and run, I think he is just shocked. There really is no excuse for treating you like this, but it is a very male reaction! I have twins (but no others apart from two step children) so know how scary it is contemplating twin pregnancy especially if you've had problems already (I had two previous miscarriages, which I know is different). Stay strong and see what the specialist says - one day at a time. Your DH will be ok I'm sure and it is so not your fault! Be strong and good luck x
Firstly big hugs to you. Secondly, I think your husband is genuinely shocked and fearing the worst. His sensitivity is coming across in the worst way possible though. Have you anyone else that can go with you to the appointment tom? Men have different ways of coping. I wish he would come around though and look after you. You shouldn't have to go through this on your own xxxx PS Good Luck
I'm surprised your gp could tell you all that! Are you in the uk? i had to wait bloody ages to see a specialist even for something quite serious in my last pregnancy, id have had no chance on a saturday. I think tonight all you can say is that you're both in shock, and there's no need to decide anything yet, but you must keep lines of communication open. Perhaps aim to discuss things after the weekend?
all this 'he is shocked' stuff is just bollocks - he doesn't get to blame you, it's not like he was uninvolved, he's just being a selfish bastard. if he won't support you then you should go ahead and ask somebody else to, it's not like the situation is going to disappear, or go into suspension, while he's got his head in the sand.
How is it all your fault? Assume you had sex on, as it were, equal terms. I would be feeling very let down as I am sure you are - I'd be tempted to put a rocket up him. Hope you can involve someone useful until he extracts his ostrich head from the sand. Is his mother useful/understanding?
The doctor said that I should not have more due to the birth. He said that even if by some random stroke of fate an egg was good enough to be fertilized the chances of it living beyond a month was next to none. The only reason they did not remove my womb is because my body had been through so much trauma they wanted it to heal before they tried surgery.