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I'm going to have to let this freind go

(8 Posts)
Restorer Fri 19-Apr-13 17:57:44

We've been "best friends" since we met in Infant school more than 30 years ago.

The reality these days is that we don't have that much to do with each other. We meet for lunch a few times a year and chat occasionally On the phone, but most contact is by text and email. She sends me a lot of "jokes".

They are nearly all racist or benefit bashing (often both). Today I have received an email titled (and I'm very sorry to repeat it, but you need to know!) "Rag Heads"

I deleted it without opening, so I suppose it could be about ringlets, but we know it's not.

When we meet I can manage to steer the conversation away from these subjects and we have a good time. It's hard to explain, she is a good friend, always there when you need her, fun and generous with time and money. Caring and considerate, as long as you're from the same background as her. I suspect she genuinely believes she's not racist generally, but that certain elements "deserve" to be spoken of this way because of their own behaviour. She's very good at tarring everyone with the same brush iyswim.

Anyway, I've had enough. I don't want these emails and I don't want to have to shut her up when she starts. I have asked several times that she stops sending the mails and she hasn't.

But, she's the only friend I'm still in touch with from way back. How am I going to get rid of her and what am I going to do about the fact that unfortunately, I will miss her?

HeySoulSister Fri 19-Apr-13 18:00:23

but how can you effectively 'get rid of her'?

you already dont ee much of her....she still sends emails regardless

jumperooo Fri 19-Apr-13 18:03:14

Could you just reply saying you've not read the content as you find racism offensive?

monsterchild Fri 19-Apr-13 18:03:31

Just ignore and drift off. Can you create a rote email to send her that says "I have asked you not to send these, please stop" every time she sends a joke email?

sooperdooper Fri 19-Apr-13 18:05:13

Set up your email so any from her go into your spam folder

Lucyellensmum95 Fri 19-Apr-13 18:05:42

Just tell her - put her straight, tell her that you find her prejudice offensive and upsetting. If she values the friendship, she will rein it in if she can't do that then sever ties with her. To be honest, she doesn't sound like the sort of person i would want to be friends with but i do understand that she is an old friend. Sadly, some people just turn out to be cunts.

deleted203 Fri 19-Apr-13 18:06:22

As you have known her for so long and say you will miss her I would send her an email saying that you need to say something about her emails/jokes. Be honest and say that you find them really offensive. You've asked her before to stop sending them and that she has continued. Tell her that you don't want to fall out with her, but that you felt you owed it to her to tell her brutally and honestly that you find them racist, unfunny and highly unacceptable. Spell it out in no uncertain terms that if she sends you one again or makes this kind of comment in your hearing that you will end all contact with her.

If she takes the huff then you haven't lost anything, IMO. Hopefully it will shock her into realising that she is close to destroying a friendship if she continues.

If she does send another one, then simply junk it and register her as blocked.

something2say Fri 19-Apr-13 18:35:37

Sad when these things happen tho isn't it.

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