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I dont think i love him anymore!!

(9 Posts)
Isitschooltimeyet Fri 19-Apr-13 16:44:24

So why cant i let go, (not in the stalker sense). We have a dd together so cant cut all contact. We dont live together and never have. Hes an arse total and utter arse. Hes emotinally abusive and has been shoved me and grabbed me at times also smashed up my stuff. Dd witnessed the latest incident. I have no friends or family so no one in rl to turn to. I am stuck at home allday everyday i have realy bad depression but im too scared to do anything about it (fears of loosing my dcs). I am a shadow of my former self i no longer take pride in my apperance or my home, im not being the best mum i can be. I had some rubbish news this week and he hasnt been here to support me. Hes not been in contact for a week now which has been a relief but if he phones i would just take him back just like that. I dont think i love him anymore and i no hes no good and that my home is settled and calm without him. Its like im punishing myself.

HeySoulSister Fri 19-Apr-13 16:53:08

so is he still supporting you all financially? or has he left you with no wages?

badinage Fri 19-Apr-13 16:59:57

The reason you can't let go is because your dependent on him. Probably for many things. Money, childcare, labour, company, co-parenting advice and quite possibly, drama.

So your best bet is to get treatment for your depressive illness, work towards financial independence, build other relationships and friendships and concentrate primarily on protecting your child from an abusive relationship.

Isitschooltimeyet Fri 19-Apr-13 17:00:01

No we never did joint finances as we didnt live together he would just give me money when i asked for it but such a song and dance was made over it when we fell out i never realy botherd asking often. The more i think about the less i like him to be honest. I just dont want another failed relationship or another child from a broken home with a weekend daddy.

badinage Fri 19-Apr-13 17:01:48

It's far worse to expose children to abuse.

Isitschooltimeyet Fri 19-Apr-13 17:02:33

Money company and drama yes, the other things no. I was in effect a single mum all along he never bathed fed changed nappies did bedtime night feeds not a thing.

Isitschooltimeyet Fri 19-Apr-13 17:04:56

Yes i totally agree im devestated at what the dcs have heard him call me and the tears they have seen me cry through him.

badinage Fri 19-Apr-13 17:08:05

So you say 'No More', apologise to your children for their exposure to that which was partially your responsibility and make sure he pays regular money for their upkeep.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 19-Apr-13 17:46:55

I just dont want another failed relationship or another child from a broken home with a weekend daddy.

I'm sorry but it is already dead in the water if he is abusive towards you and by letting him walk all over you, you are exposing your DCs to this trauma too.

How does this man enhance DD's life, it is not wrong to stop access if he is violent or aggressive. It is not in her best interest to be subjected to any more scenes like you describe. A weekend dad like him is no good to her.

If he is sober, don't let him in. If he is drunk, don't let him in. If he gets nasty, call the police.

You and your DCs are family, you have a home together, it's not broken your relationship with that man is.

Are your DCs fed and clothed and attending school, unless there is more you're not disclosing here, going to your GP and explaining how you feel won't result in anyone questioning how fit you are to be a parent.

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