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Dad issue

(3 Posts)
TabbyM Fri 19-Apr-13 11:59:39

My Mum died last year and I am having problems with my Dad.

He seems to be coping reasonably well on his own and is going out and about, sings in a local choir and socialises. However, since my Mum died he has been very odd about letting me and my DH stay and we have only been in the house once. I live a couple of hundred of miles away and previously visited regularly every 3 months or so (a lot more during my Mum's illness) to catch up with family, friends and see my old hometown. My brother, who lives overseas is coming next month with his kids and staying in a hotel nearby and I am planning to go down and visit.

His main (stated) reason is that there isn't room - Dad is a bit of a hoarder and lives in a 3 bed house, but in December there was space in one spare room. I have let this go for 8 months, last time I stayed with ILs but I really miss my old house etc and feel shut out and unsupported after my Mum's death. Finances mean I can't afford to stay in a hotel but I don't see why I should have to when my family home is available.

Am hoping my brother may be of help but this may escalate into a big argument... However I can't just let it go as I might never return to my family home!

BerylStreep Fri 19-Apr-13 12:07:07

Tabby,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum.

Rather than trying to stay with your Dad, perhaps you could visit him at the house?

At the end of the day, it is his house.

JammySplodger Fri 19-Apr-13 12:07:17

Maybe rather than letting it upset you and it turning into an arguement, you could use the visit to see if your Dad's okay, if he's happy, depressed, hoarding as a way of not dealing with the grief / change in his life / simply not finding it easy to maintain the house in a presentable state?

Might be he needs support but isn't able to say so.

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