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It's over, what next?

(6 Posts)
MurderOfGoths Fri 19-Apr-13 09:33:44

So me and DH are over.

Situation as it stands is this;
- DS is just turned one
- I have back problems and wrist problems which they now think is either RSI or related to my back (or both)
- We live in a 1 bed first floor council flat with DH
- I cannot cope with the flat on my own, no way I can get DS up and down the stairs safely.
- My family lives a couple of counties away, so does DH's.
- All our medical treatment is locally, and most of it has only just started after being on a long waiting list.
- I do the bulk of the childcare
- Neither me or DH can work due to disability, as the ESA claim can only be in one name, it's in DH's name. So payment goes to him, and I've never been assessed.
- Obviously the flat is paid for with HB and the flat is in both of our names.
- My dad is currently being a cock.

So as far as I see, I cannot stay here without DH to help me. I'm not happy to leave DS here while I move out. I don't really want to move back in with dad, partly because he's a dick right now and partly because it means going back on another waiting list for treatment that I've already been waiting long enough for.

It seems highly unlikely that I would have any chance at moving into another council property, so I guess I need to look at private rentals.

So I need to figure out which LL's are likely to accept HB locally and find out what financial support I can get.

I also need a solution for day to day transport. With my back public transport is far from ideal, especially lifting DS in and out of a pram etc. We have a car, which is in my name as DH didn't have his license when we got it, but which his mum bought for us. The insurance etc is also stupidly high now, just seems to go up and up every year.

We were thinking about living as housemates so that DH could help deal with DS when I'm really struggling. But it's been a whole week and he's already being a dick.

I guess I'm not really expecting anyone to have any answers, more typing to clear my head, and could do with some support.

Never thought my marriage would end, especially not so soon after our son was born.

skaboy Fri 19-Apr-13 09:59:40

I think you need to get some help from the authorities regarding your condition and to help you with the kids. Probably CAB too. If you do most of the childcare, he should move out if poss. I'm living with my ex who has a back problem, and its led to me doing most stuff (as I always did). It's not sustainable in the long term. We need to get some help so when I find anything out I'll post info on here.

MurderOfGoths Sun 21-Apr-13 10:21:27

I need to get out ASAP. Feel so unwelcome in my own home. Don't feel like I have a home anymore. Happy fucking Birthday to me sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 21-Apr-13 10:31:43

I'd start with your GP and explain the predicament. THey may be able to put you in touch with social services or others that could help you relocate and be able to live independently. Good luck

Hassled Sun 21-Apr-13 10:35:14

It sounds absolutely awful for you - I'm sorry.
I think all you can do is adopt a scattergun approach in asking for help - GP, SS, CAB, anyone you can think of.

MurderOfGoths Sun 21-Apr-13 10:38:50

I want to go see CAB tomorrow morning, but DH is pushing for me to go stay with my dad for a few days, which means I'll be too far away. Plus DH has told me he'll drop me off as he wants the car. So I'll be utterly reliant on other people.

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