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I'm no further on.....just existing.

(3 Posts)
Oddsox2 Thu 18-Apr-13 11:44:28

It's been a while since I posted - my original thread is below...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1666696-Please-tell-me-I-WILL-be-happier-on-my-own-than-like-this?pg=1

So we are now into April and I'm no further on really. My H has been spending a little bit more time with our DS, even to the point where he took him away for 2 days over Easter on a mini holiday - my heart was in my mouth the whole time as I've never been away from my DS that long but I knew I had to let it happen so that DS would start to get used to it. Since then, DS is asking for his Dad alot more and they've become closer, which don't get me wrong I am pleased about, but I only wish he could have made an effort years ago before it all went horribly wrong as now I feel like I'm going to be the wicked witch when it comes to separating them eventually. As my H says "blowing his world apart which I should think seriously long and hard about".

H and I are living separate lives, both in the house as we are both on the mortgage. We take it in turns to go out every other weekend. He isn't being horrible to me simply because we don't talk anymore at all really - and the power he had over me is now gone.

He seems to be enjoying his new found freedom (mid life crisis), new tattoo, internet history showing "weight loss tips for men" and "rollex watches websites"...laughable really.

He goes out every other weekend and crawls in at around 6am on the Sunday morning, is completely useless on the Sunday for the rest of the day but I expect nothing less. He's changed his mobile phone billing to online and I don't know the username or password.

I am struggling financially so I can't afford to continue to see my original solicitor but CAB referred me to a Family Law Solicitor that offers free advice at the CAB and I have an appointment with them tomorrow to find out a bit more.

H is refusing to leave the house, and my original solicitor told me under no terms should I leave the house either as it will make me more vulnerable. H doesn't want to sell either though - he wants us to carry on in this bizarre set up for the sake of our DS and calls me selfish for not wanting to. But in my mind that is him having his cake and eating it...?!

I know I am repeating myself and I am sorry, but I feel completely trapped. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm aging by the second....

Sorry for the rant.

X

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 18-Apr-13 11:55:01

I think the advice not to leave the house has now expired. Any benefit you were gaining by living there is being wiped out by the emotional damage that it is causing. I think for you to stand a chance to move on you are going to have to consider literally moving on rather than remaining in this painful set-up. Your STBXH is still bullying you and that can't continue

Start a divorce proper, look into different accommodation and what state financial help is available and make plans to get yourself and DS out. There are ways to force a house sale. There is hope.

Lueji Thu 18-Apr-13 11:58:31

TBH, I think I'd look at leaving with DS.
This situation is not good for you.

His becoming closer to your DS is an act and it probably won't last much beyond making you the "wicked witch".

I hope your consultation tomorrow goes well.

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