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I would be better off alone wouldn't I?

(8 Posts)
playpen80 Wed 17-Apr-13 22:43:34

Have 3 dc 8, 7 and a baby. Baby wasn't planned and as a result dh has during a heated discussion said he wished dd hadn't been born. He also works on the basis that since he works long hours pretty much all the responsibilty for child care, housework etc is mine. I do all the night wakings which is fine as breast feeding.
Before christmas he basically said that the reason why the place was a mess was because I go out too much during week. It was dc's natiivity plays and playgroup party and grocery shopping fgs.
During the week he is out the house from 1st thing till 7.30. He pretty much does nothing except make a mess in the evening. (Mugs and wrappers left lyying around)
At weekends he will cook the odd meal and do any diy or garden stuff but thats about it
I am on m/l from part time job btw..
Also hardly helped at all in the early weeks post csection. Maybe changed a few nappies but that was it.
Sorry this is a bit of a vent as much as anything.

BlackeyedSusan Wed 17-Apr-13 22:51:26

you might be. it does require careful consideration though. it would be shame to throw away something that could be fixed, but also to stay in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Thumbtack Thu 18-Apr-13 08:44:57

can you start by designating just one important job for him to do? Clearing coffee table or putting laundry in first thing every morning, before he goes to work?

might get the ball rolling without him even realising wink IME men are simple creatures that need gentle direction.

you might feel less resentful if he did something

AuntieStella Thu 18-Apr-13 08:46:14

How old is the baby? Are you OK?

Cravingdairy Thu 18-Apr-13 09:07:44

730 isn't all that late. Neither my husband nor I sit down until gone 9pm on a typical night - we both work FT and share cooking, bath and bedtimes and housework. And we only have one. I think your DH is on to a very good thing and needs a reality check.

Not helping after a C section is a very poor show. Did he refuse or not offer?

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 18-Apr-13 10:27:31

It's not what he does or doesn't do around the house that's the problem here, it's his whole attitude towards you that stinks. He's taking you for granted, assuming you exist to pick up after him, and showed you no compassion after you'd undergone an operation. Ignore the cretinous idea that 'men are simple creatures' that need persuading to be decent human beings hmm .... stand up for yourself.

Match your vent online with a very straight conversation IRL. Line in the sand time. Allow him to carry on treating you with contempt and yes, you'd be better off alone.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Thu 18-Apr-13 10:30:06

I agree that it isnt him working or only doing garden/diy jobs. It is how he speaks to you and how he treats you.

You need to have a proper conversation about this.

playpen80 Thu 18-Apr-13 19:28:43

Thank you. I thinnk the major issue here is that he feels he can do as little as possible because if I make a fuss he can throw in the fact that he didn't want this baby. She is 6 months.
I think deep down he feels I tricked him. A big problem to tackle.
Much calmer this eve thanks. Managed to get some rest whilst baby slept.

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