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Will I ever get over the emotional affair

(3 Posts)
Gatepost Wed 17-Apr-13 22:37:16

Having never posted anything on line I recently have been looking at a lot of these sites to get help - so bare with me! My finance & I gave been together for 14 years - 2 children, started a business together etc - a normal life not to excessive but one we had taken pride in. Throughout the relationship we were always best friends as he didn't trust people easily. At times his insecurities about my loyalty to him got in the way, but I accept this is partly my doing and reverts to my open mindedness during the first few years of rel. however I am 12 years older and have the kids & feel there's no justification for his feelings ( I never did anything wrong - just said stuff) 8 months ago his best mate committed suicide very unexpectantly & we decided collectively we wanted to "look after" his partner & begin a friendship with her. Well pretty soon I noticed he started to brush me aside when she was around etc I pointed this out - denied saying I don't know how to have girls as friends - then the nastiness towards me started. Lot was said - I kept reassuring myself it was just him & as if she'd b intersted In him having just lost her partner - very wrong she suggested her loving feelings toward him just 6 weeks after her ptner dying. He has since disclosed most stuff to me there was discussions about the kids then being married future holidays her paying out his debt buying them a house etc once the life insurance came through. I had no idea at the time that for 3 months around 800 texts and several meetings & phone conversations - I did the whole submissive part throughout - couldn't bare losing our relationship but he was openly for the last 4 weeks saying it's such a big decision b/w her & me as if he needed to talk it out with me as we would of done in the past long story short it's over with her we've been in repair mode for 3 months - most of the time I think we will be ok but sometimes I realise I just xan't let it go he hurt me so badly the deceit, betrayal being told by my 4 yo that dad had said we should love her as she loves us and she hasn't done anything wrong along with so much else. I honestly believe a quick sexual affair would of been better - I get lust, heat of the moment scenarios but this was so carefully concealed and so many areas seemed to b covered. He destroyed my self esteem in our relationship I am really wondering if I can expect the hurt to fade enough so much so it's not my most consuming thought

Cherriesarelovely Wed 17-Apr-13 23:09:15

I'm so sorry to hear that Gatepost, it is a really wretched situation. If I'm totally honest I don't think I could get over that kind of betrayal. Completely agree that it is much more intense and corrosive than a one off drunken shag...not that that is a walk in the park either but it is different I agree.

Cherriesarelovely Wed 17-Apr-13 23:12:35

I guess if you do want to repair your relationship it will take time and lots reassurance on your Dh's part to rebuild the trust.

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