Ooooh, that is really hard OP. It can be a while before you sort of come to terms with your DP's ex I think, and also it is so hard when you have been hurt before. Totally understand. If I were you I would sit tight. Sometimes only time can make you feel more secure and comfortable.
Just remembering that I had all sorts of funny, annoying, disconcerting feelings when I met DP but after a while they settled down because she (we are both "she"!) was indeed as lovely, kind and trustworthy as I had hoped. Equally she took a long time to cope with my continuing friendship with my ex but they now like each other very much!
He does sound great! It's weird though isn't it? I once had a horrible irrational jealousy of my DPs friendship with another woman. It was so powerful for a while and I was really, really eaten up with it. Jealousy is a weird one. If it makes you feel any better I can't bear the thought of my Dp getting a massage because I can't stand the thought of someone else touching her body!!! I know this is ridiculous and I don't actually "forbid" her from having one but I don't like it!
Hey, a small amount of sexual jealousy is ok in a relationship I think
As long as it doesn't get out of hand
I mean, the sexual side of our relationship is the only side of each other we have only for ourselves in my marriage. If I thought he was sharing it elsewhere, or someone else was moving in on it...it would feel un natural to not be at least a bit discombobulated.
Well, jealousy is a failing, but at the same time we all have failings, and everyone feels things that are unreasonable and wrong from time to time. The best way to deal with bad feelings is to acknowledge to yourself that you are having them but not to act on them. Don't whine, snoop or accuse (unless you have some genuine cause for suspicion), just treat the feelings of jealousy like a bit of a bellyache: think about something else and it will pass.
If you have feelings, any kind of feelings, you can't force yourself to stop having them. But you can change how you deal with them.
A therapist told me an interesting technique to deal with it that you may find helpful: When you have a jealous thought, acknowledge it and then close it up in a little box in your mind and save it for later. Distract yourself with something else in the meantime. At a quiet moment, when you are feeling relaxed, allow yourself to examine it properly and think about why you felt that way. Hopefully, this will help you to see how irrational it is and feel better about it and about yourself for keeping it under control. In time, the thoughts should stop coming up at all.
If there is no obvious event that has provoked the jealousy, and you think it's general insecurity because of baggage from the past, then the thing you might like to work on is identifying that baggage and then ridding yourself of it.
try to be logical. Just because someone is very attractive or has a skill you don't (cooking) does not mean they are a wonderful fit for your partner. They aren't together for a reason. i've never been the jealous type so not sure what helps but i can categorically say good looks and being a good cook do not automatically make you a good wife/partner!