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Should I drop this friend, and if so,how??

(8 Posts)
Spandler Wed 17-Apr-13 10:57:43

Have known her for around 4 years. These are some of the things she's done:

Makes nasty comments, but does it under the guise of being ditsy, clueless and unaware of things she is saying. Just little put downs and little nasty comments with a sting in the tail.

Goes on and on about her problems all the time, talking about herself and not every acknowledging anything that's going on in my life. I'm happy to be there for a friend and to help and offer advice and a listening ear, but when it's always one sided it is very draining. She never asks how I am, or asks anything about my life. If I ever mention anything from my life or am upset/low about anything she just either looks at me or says 'oh no' then carries on talking about her. For the past 6 months she has had something going on in her life and I've offered loads of support,but it's very full on, lots of calls, lots of times of her calling round and wanting to offload. I had a family member die during these 6 months and she didn't even acknowledge it or reply to my text when I told her>

We had a night out a few weeks ago to a very crowded pub. She left me sitting alone at a table for 45 minutes whilst she went to the loo, as she saw loads of friends on the way back. The pub was so crowded I couldnt' see her anywhere and i didn't want to leave our table as we'd lose the table, and she had her phone off. I couldn't just go home as she was driving. When she got back from the loo she was genuinely surprised that I was miffed at being left for 45 minutes.

There are various other things too, small things. Like a couple of months ago my DD had a birthday party at a soft play centre and when it was time for the cake this friend had taken her DD and 3 other party guests and put money in video games for them, so they wouldn't come and watch DD blow out her candles. Our DDs are friends at school so it's quite difficult. I'm happy to keep her as an acquaintance but I don't feel I can cope with her endless comments and problems anymore.

What do I do?

UnrequitedSkink Wed 17-Apr-13 11:03:38

Um... Easy answer this one! Ditch the bitch, she sounds poisonous, just phase out all contact other than unavoidable content at school. Don't respond to emails and texts, be busy when she suggests meeting etc. We're you getting anything from this relationship?!

Spandler Wed 17-Apr-13 11:08:27

Looking back at it, unrequited no, I wasn't really getting anything. The friendship started as our DCs are friends, and I guess it had no base really other than us having the fact that our children are friends, in common.

I'm happy to make small talk with her at the gates, but find I feel really low when I've seen her.

Sayitdontsprayit Wed 17-Apr-13 11:18:35

Sorry to hijack, I lurk a lot and I did this a few months ago with someone with exactly the same character traits. I ignored and she kicked right off. Cut her off totally, she messaged me on FB so I hid her (awkward because GF of a good mate) and didn't delete.
She ended up making up ridiculous lies and stirring up trouble, but still she is cut. Best thing I ever did. Tried so hard not to make it awkward for friend but of course she made it so.
However, in time I'm sure mate will see the light and drop her, or respect out wish to not socialise with her, not be rude but to treat as an acquaintance. Its worth cutting out, people like that are often EA I've found and are brilliant at manipulating. Best to give her nothing.
I was going to post this a while ago but didn't know how to word it, I will certainly be keeping an eye on these replies!
Good luck. I found it easier to ignore her knowing it was driving her crazy.
Sorry for the hijack!

Sayitdontsprayit Wed 17-Apr-13 11:20:17

Just to add she eventually blocked and deleted me grin

Spandler Wed 17-Apr-13 11:23:22

You're not hijacking at all, Sayit; all replies are very much appreciated smile

I think the friend I know is quite manipulative too. Hopefully she won't cotton on that I'm phasing her out. she has lots of friends and so perhaps wont' notice? If she says anything I think I shall say that I have some personal things going on right now and don't feel like socialising.

Sayitdontsprayit Wed 17-Apr-13 12:38:14

In my experience, if they are prone to that behaviour they will take great joy trying to manipulate their way in. She used her kid, sent patronising messages and also was very passive agressive. I fear for you it may be the same, but they die down eventually, and I also found leaving it very hard but also very illuminating. I refused to chat about it to mutual friends about it waving my hand and just saying 'oh I don't want to make people feel awkward about it'
That was when it became illuminating. I thought I was being unreasonable with my expectations of what a friendship is. Turns out I wasn't. Time is too short for shit friends!

Spandler Wed 17-Apr-13 12:40:16

Well said, sayit. I totally agree; life is far too short for shit friends.

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