H and I have been separated for almost a month now.
We had been having a rough time for 6 mths or so and then it all came to a head on Mother's day when he hit me repeatedly and then I told him to go.
He had never done anything like that before and has never been aggressive. He went to the doctors, is in Anti-Ds, he has been seeing a counsellor and was referred to Respect (Relate for DV afaik) and has been to sessions.
I haven't stopped him from seeing the DC at all and he has been here almost everyday and has taken the children to his parents etc, he is paying his way and being very very reasonable and fair about everything.
I miss having him around but i think all love was lost when he hit me and i very much doubt it can be recovered.
I am struggling as he is here a lot and 'makes' me repeatedly tell him that I don't love him any more, in a roundabout way. He tells me he wants me, loves me, knows that together we are better for the DC than apart. He tells me he has realised that he's been a fool.
He has moved into a flat nearby with no wifi/TV etc (although he can have these things, he seems to be self-flogging) and his only focus is getting back together.
I have told him that this can't happen right now, he needs to fix him and get to the bottom of why he reached that point, it will not happen over night. He doesn't seem to hear me and each time he comes round I end up sobbing.
I don't want to stop him coming because it's important for the DC. If I'm totally honest I am frightened that he will harm himself or stop helping financially or both if things start to not go his way.
He is totally alone, no friends or family that he will reach out to locally and i'm so so sad for him and for the loss of us - i just don't know what to do for the best
If you've got this far then thank you, any help or advice gratefully received - just feel a bit lost atm and very very tired of being strong and holding it all together.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Bit of a mess - need a virtual hug please
nowit · 16/04/2013 21:14
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