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who's house is it anyway?

(12 Posts)
superdry Tue 16-Apr-13 13:48:25

so my husband says - when he is angry and belligerent - that he wants me to leave him, and his kids, and his house, obviously i am not going to do that - the kids are ours, but the house is in his name, does he actually have a leg to stand on technically? where do i stand if it is his house but we are married?- how secure am i? (when i work i pay the mortgage) - just would like to know next time he throws the threat in my face......

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 16-Apr-13 14:19:13

If you are married (assuming you're in the UK) then any property and other assets are regarded as 'marital' i.e belonging equally to you both. An exception would be if a couple had only just got married, wanted a divorce, and the property had been wholly owned by one party before the marriage. However, if you're a typical couple that have bought a house with a mortgage and lived there together for some time raising children and contributing to the upkeep in various ways, as a wife you have an equal stake in it. Parents maintain equal responsibility for any children as well. So if you did leave with 'his kids' he'd have a shared financial responsibility i.e. maintenance.

Some solicitors specialising in family law offer a free initial consultation. CAB are quite useful as well. When faced with a bully trying to intimidate you into submission I think it never hurts to get informed. 'Knowledge is power'

AgathaF Tue 16-Apr-13 14:31:47

next time he throws the threat in my face - you don't have to wait for this, you know. You can make your own choices, and leave with your children, or start divorce or separation proceedings.

He sounds like a horrible bully.

Lueji Tue 16-Apr-13 14:32:27

There is also the issue of who is entitled to occupy the house.
If you stay with the children, you may be entitled to live in it, even if it wasn't "yours".

Definitely check with CAB and a free solicitor consultation, or post in Legal.

LightAFire Tue 16-Apr-13 14:33:05

I don't know for certain but I believe if you have contributed to the mortgage you can argue it is partly yours. Plus in a divorce you'd have to decide on how to split assets. Speak to Citizens Advice though as I don't know the legal stuff properly.

More than that though, it concerns me that you are living in this situation! It must be very upsetting - might it be worth considering some relationship counselling? Living with a man who threatens like that cannot be doing your self-esteem any good.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 16-Apr-13 14:37:12

For a married couple there's no requirement for actual financial contribution to the mortgage for the property to be regarded as jointly owned in the event of a split. A spouse doesn't have to be on either the deeds or the mortgage, although I think it's preferable if they are recognised on documents as joint owner. Quite different, of course, if someone is merely a partner rather than spouse and not on the deeds or mortgage. In the event of a split - even if they have lived their many years, paid towards the upkeep or raised children - they are regarded in law as no better than rent-paying lodgers.

fedupofnamechanging Tue 16-Apr-13 14:38:36

If I were you, I would start keeping proper records and proof of your contribution towards the mortgage and towards the living expenses, which have enabled him to continue making mortgage payments.

Even if you were a sahm and made no direct financial contribution, the court would still view you as having made a valid contribution because you have been looking after the dc and saving the family child care costs.

It's the family home and he can't just throw you out, but he sounds like a prick to say that to you and I would be considering my future generally.

MadAboutHotChoc Tue 16-Apr-13 15:01:11

Hope this helps: Finances info link

superdry Wed 17-Apr-13 11:06:57


thanks all for the info, yes obviously he is being a complete twat to say those things, but i guess i just wanted to make sure i knew where i stood, so i can now completely ignore his mad angry ramblings in the knowledge that my world is safe!

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 17-Apr-13 11:12:20

Don't ignore this angry act... challenge him. It's vital to challenge bullies.

PoppyField Wed 17-Apr-13 11:27:04

Hi OP,

You are married and you have made contributions both with the mortgage and in your role as primary child carer. You have significant rights. That's great. But, I think you should do more to secure those rights.

Go to a solicitor and get your rights to the house properly secure. Otherwise DH can use house value as collateral for loans etc without you knowing.

I know this because I was in a similar position. Although you would be seen as joint-owner because you are married and it is a marital asset, you need to assert your claim on the property legally - otherwise the value of the property could be lost to you in the future.

Do it now - go to a family solicitor, explain that your husband threatens divorce every now and then and that your name is not on the deeds. Any good solicitor will virtually insist that you register your rights on the house with the Land Registry as soon as possible. It is a simple legal form. A letter will come acknowledging the claim, so watch out for that if you want this to stay 'quiet'. If your name is not on the deeds, your DH can get a second mortgage or use it as any kind of collateral without your permission. If you register your claim with the Land Registry, then there is a big flag on the entry which stops him being able to run up huge debts on the house without your permission. Get this done now. You never know what will happen - it may be great and you come out the other end smiling, but taking this action may well save you lots of grief in future if he decides he wants to do something stupid with the finances.

Good luck.

LightAFire Wed 17-Apr-13 14:48:01

I think Cogito is right and you shouldn't ignore this. Why is he being so angry and belligerent and making threats? And what about your kids - what will they learn from being in such an environment?

Concerned for you OP.

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