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Thirty years

(935 Posts)
fuckitybollocks Tue 16-Apr-13 06:23:04

My husband had an affair 5 years ago. He has not been 'in love' with me since. I have really struggled, living with the man you love who does not feel the same way is soul destroying. We have two teenage children so at least we have been together with them. He would continue like this although he is not happy. He says he does not really know what he wants. At the weekend I told him I did not want to live with someone who dies not feel the same way about me. He says he loves me but cannot remember when he was in ,I've with me. He has a neurological issue which affects his memory especially biographical memory and that really does not help.

We are currently hiding the fact that one of us sleeps on the sofa from the children. I can't do that anymore as I have hurt my back. He has not done anything about finding somewhere to live. He does not really want to I don't think. He does not have someone else now, he hasn't for a long while so would prefer us to live together, us being all of us. I think he thinks I will capitulate and he will be able to stay with us for longer.

This is so very very hard. I am crying at times, not when the children are around, he hugs me. He hates seeing me upset. He says he loves me, cares for me. When he had his girlfriend he experienced that infatuated soul mate type relationship. Of course a wife of 30 years cannot match that. He does not value that total love and loyalty that comes with time and family. He says he does not think about me and look forward to seeing me. I know he would stay if he could, he does not really want to have all the hassle if finding somewhere to live etc and he does want to be with children. I am so lonely. Being friends sleeping together (he does not want sex with me often at all) is so souk destroying. I don't blame him for not wanting me, I smell of fags and he hates that, I have always smoked but the smell of me has become really horrid for him and I understand tht. I quit for nearly three months last year and am gearing up to try again. When I didn't smoke he did not want me more though.

This situation can't continue. One child is gearing up for his gcses next month. I do not want children to see this train wreck. I feel so pathetic and selfish messing things up because it is hard living with someone who is not in love with me. Until this crisis he has not told me he loves me at all for months. Valentines day for the first time was just a card. I had chosen a present or him. Two actually although one was not delivered in time.

When he has affair I did not cope. I was very depressed and ended up unable to work. I know I will not do that this time (although am off suck fir a few days while this back pain dies down). He does not respect me, I have behaved badly and been very weal and feeble. Not now though. I am never going into that depression again. I am very unhappy but not depressed and there us a big difference. He might be depressed though. He certainly feels as though there is little point o life.

I am not sure why I am writing this. What if anything anyone can say. I just feel so alone and a bit scared.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Fri 19-Jul-13 00:24:46

What a lovely post FB, you're sounding positive and in control.
Yes, "friend" should be demoted, and as Donkey and cjel say, share nothing with her.
Your boys sound fabulous, a credit to you. Hope the takeaway was good, a good birthday all round, with the satisfaction of preparing your shower for the tiler.
I've always thought the "fuck it factor" a very important tool in life, so, as you have just referenced it in your last post, it's a great basis for your new name. And definitely lose the bollocks grin
I like Longtallsally's idea 'specially for the FFF abreviation
I still like FuckItImFabulous best - because you are grin

You need to give us a short list to vote on, some more good ones up thread.


AgathaF Fri 19-Jul-13 06:46:38

Hope you had a scrummy takeaway last night.

fuckitybollocks Fri 19-Jul-13 08:45:32

Can't do fuckityfab, will try FuckItLifeIsTooShort

Scurries off...

FuckItLifeIsTooShort Fri 19-Jul-13 09:00:33

New thread called year one, sorry can't do a link thing on here.

Am going to leave this one with a huge squishy hug and stacks of really meant xxxxxxxxxxxx

cjel Fri 19-Jul-13 15:29:33

I can't find new thread..Any one send link for me?x

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Fri 19-Jul-13 18:41:26

cjel Advance Search threads started by FuckItLifeIsTooShort smile

MadAboutHotChoc Fri 19-Jul-13 19:55:30

here it is

Caster8 Wed 24-Jul-13 10:02:50

I should have posted on here several days ago.
I realise I may get blasted for this, and if somone has an affair, then I normally think a marriage is broken beyond repair.
But, for some reason, in this case, I dont think it is.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Wed 24-Jul-13 10:20:06

There's a new thread Caster see the link the post above yours smile

Caster8 Wed 24-Jul-13 10:54:07

Thanks Be.

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