Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Don't know why this is the last straw

(12 Posts)
3mum Mon 15-Apr-13 21:35:44

I have posted here before about my cheating STBXH who I am divorcing. I thought I was dealing with the split and the financial negotiations really quite well. I even managed two weekends ago to let the children go and see him at the house he shares with the latest love of his life, an Eastern European woman and her baby and even managed to meet her briefly. I was congratulating myself on my calm and on walking away from the situation. But today I have the rage, big time. angry

Compared with what has gone before, it is trivial. He wants to spend this weekend with the children, EEW and the baby at our weekend house. This makes me see red. The house is a lot more than a weekend house emotionally. We always said that it was our real home and it is where we had planned to retire to. My friends in the village (who are largely the female halves of mutual couple friends) have been a rock for me over the last year.

I feel that it was the last untainted place (he shagged at least one of the women he was "in love" with in our old family home where I now live with the children and I can't ever forget that). I own half that house until the financial settlements are agreed and I don't want her in it. I would actually rather the house was sold to strangers so neither of us can have it.

I can understand the argument that he wants to go there at the weekend so the children have the same experience they are used to, but what he actually wants to do is show her around the house and the village, instal her as his replacement wife there, introduce her to our friends and fuck her in the bed we used to sleep in together and I can't bear it. I have said if he takes her there I am going too!

Am I being over-sensitive? Is this just one more thing where I have to let him have everything his way? I gave in on the children seeing his OW. I really don't see why he can't either have the weekend with them at his house or go to our real home with just the children. This really hurts and I don't know why.

Hopasholic Mon 15-Apr-13 21:44:36

I am angry on your behalf. You are definitely NOT being over sensitive.

Go and change the locks. It says a great deal about her too.

How insensitive can they be?

queenofthepirates Mon 15-Apr-13 21:51:28

He is being an insensitive git but raging about it will eat you up. You need to find an outlet that's not your relationship with him. Go shoot some clay pigeons, run it off, do something but do it away from him, no good can come from it. If he couldn't comprehend how shagging other women within his marriage, I doubt he has the empathy to understand what a house meant to you.

My heart goes out to you, you have been treated really, really badly.

ValentineWiggins Mon 15-Apr-13 21:57:04

Go there before hand and put fleas/itching powder/head lice in the bed linen!

Fleecyslippers Mon 15-Apr-13 22:02:40

I absolutely get you. Ex and OW had the fucking nerve to think that we would use our holiday home weekend about angry I asked him who would scrub the spunk stains out of the mattress before I got into the bed. He told me not to be so childish hmm
It hurts because it was a special place, a getaway, a bolt hole. it hurts because he has taken so much away from you already and now he wants to contaminate this.

Skinnywhippet Mon 15-Apr-13 22:06:27

I feel your anger. Don't have much advice though! Is it like a holiday home, or does it have a lot of your personal things in it? If the latter you can say you don't feel comfortable. If it were me, I would so go along as well, although I know that might be a bit unreasonable. However, I'm like that!

Or, why don't you tell him it needs to be sold as part of the settlement and that you are tidying it up for the agents and don't want people staying there...

wiltingfast Mon 15-Apr-13 22:11:22

Sorry. I think you're being daft. Understandably so. But still. It doesn't really matter and presumably if you were going there with a new partner you'd be doing the same sort of stuff. Reacting to it as you appear to be doing just undermines all your effort to move on and establish your separate life.

3mum Mon 15-Apr-13 22:47:48

Thanks everyone for your replies. I like the idea of the itching powder! Wonder if Ican get it on Amazon? smile

GeekLove Mon 15-Apr-13 23:03:11

Glass fibre from old fashioned insulation will do. If you arent. Hanging locks lock up all your nice bedding and buy the. Heap est nylon bedding with the lowest thread count you can find.

Fleecyslippers Mon 15-Apr-13 23:04:58

Pint of milk poured on the carpet under the bed should help with the ambience for the lovers wink

AnyFucker Mon 15-Apr-13 23:08:17

I don't think you are in the wrong here

Just say no, and stick to your guns. A reasonable person would understand you want to have something that is unsullied by his poor choices.

Joking aside, don't damage the property to make it unpleasant for you as I assume you still want to use the place yourself

"no" is a full sentence

3mum Tue 16-Apr-13 06:29:46

Like that: "no is a complete sentence". I will remember that. Thanks

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: