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How to tell his parents I am moving out?

(22 Posts)
DrHolmes Mon 15-Apr-13 20:59:19

Ok, so been with boyfriend 2.5yrs. Within 3 or 4 months of our relationship I had moved into his families house. I had been renting a flat but basically spent all my time at their house so I moved in and pay them rent.
Two years later I just cant handle it anymore! They are big drinkers (not my boyfriends, the parents), his mother is very ovearbearing and basically I just want my own space. I can't get a mortgage until I have another 7k saved up.
A good friend has just bought a 3 bed house and has offered me a room to rent. He gets the keys in a couple of weeks and I am pretty certain this is the way forward. I have looked at places to rent on my own but the flats are not worth the money imo.
I just need to tell boyfriends parents now but I have no idea how to bring it up!
The friend who I will be living with works away for 3 months at a time so i will have the place to myself a lot.
Can someone please write down a first sentence on how to start the conversation? I was thinking of buying flowers/drink and saying these are for you as a thank-you for having me and just explain i want some more space?
Also, the friend is male and people at my work are a bit sceptical and teasing me as if i am about to go and have a relationship with this guy. I absolutely am not! I love my bf and we have a strong relationship but i am just wondering what bf's parents will think.
Bf understands my need to leave. BF can't come cause he runs a specific type of business from his parents house.

Help!

ParmaViolette Mon 15-Apr-13 21:03:59

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DrHolmes Mon 15-Apr-13 21:05:47

Em let me think..... No.

Mumsyblouse Mon 15-Apr-13 21:06:46

LOL Parma

Op, can't your boyfriend lay the ground for you, they are his parents and it would probably be better coming from him if he explains that you want to live apart for a while but are still together. You can then come in on the back of this conversation and thank them profusely for 'putting up with you for so long'.

WhatTheWaterGaveMe Mon 15-Apr-13 21:10:02

Lol @ Parma. It crossed my mind too wink

How do you think they'll take it? Do you think they'll be offended?
If you're worried about being honest and saying I want my own space, could you and your OH say we've come to a point where we think we'd like some space between us and an opportunity has come up for that to happen?

DrHolmes Mon 15-Apr-13 21:11:34

Yes, I did think about getting him to start the conversation. But, I don't want it to seem like I am hiding behind him and would prefer to bring it up myself but I am just so nervous about it.

DrHolmes Mon 15-Apr-13 21:14:05

I'm not sure what they will think tbh.
Even if they were offeneded they won't show it to my face. I don't want them to think my and my bf need time apart. I just don't know how they will take me saying basically I don't want to rent with them anymore but want to rent with someone else! Is that not a slap in the face?

currentbuns Mon 15-Apr-13 21:19:34

I think the fact that your new housemate will be away for months at a time provides you with a perfect alibi - you are house-sitting for a friend, keeping an eye on his property while he is away?

DrHolmes Mon 15-Apr-13 21:21:41

Oh yesss, i could use it as a slant that I am doing my friend a favour and looking after his house for him.

Thanks

sleeton Mon 15-Apr-13 21:23:12

It's hard to suggest anything without understanding a bit more DrHolmes .

Is your relationship with your BF serious ... I mean do you expect it to go on to even longer term, leading to marriage or a permanent partnership? If so then it is going to be difficult for them to understand, but you could wrap it up in some way [something like, you need to be closer to work, etc] but cushion the blow by explaining that you and BF are saving for your own place.

Or maybe you don't view your relationship as quite so serious, in that you are BF/GF but you don't necessarily visualise this leading to marriage or a permanent partnership? In that sort of case, it might be kindest for you and BF to explain just that. You are still dating but you had not intended to permanently live together, rather drifted into it, and now the opportunity has arisen to rectify that.

Is there no way you and BF could move together? (Even working farmer's son's set up their own homes 'off' the farm, and that must be possible with lots of other tied-to-the-premises professions). Would you and BF want to set up home together, even if you could?

WhatTheWaterGaveMe Mon 15-Apr-13 21:23:15

Good idea currentbuns

RandomMess Mon 15-Apr-13 21:26:02

I was thinking along the lines of current buns, he doesn't want the house empty for months at a time.

DrHolmes Mon 15-Apr-13 21:30:16

Yes we do see ourselves getting married in the future and living together in our own home will be the next step. His parents have heard us talk about marriage and having kids in the future. But, as my bf's business is only in the 2nd year he cannot get a mortgage (all banks are asking for at least 3 years books) and also he has Huskies and they have to be kept outside and enclosed so they cannot escape.

I can only get a mortgage of 70% on a minimum property value of 90k so I need at least 27k as a deposit. I have 20k.

I would love it if me and my bf could move out but if we did we would have to rent a bigger place and for his business it would have to be country areas and thus more expensive to rent cottages etc.

I have thought and struggled with the idea of just staying put for another 6-12 months but then something happens here and i just can't put up with it! So I see this as my only option at the mo. My rent wil be cheap (£200) which means i can still save towards my deposit.

deleted203 Mon 15-Apr-13 21:37:10

OK...your rent will be cheaper, which is a great incentive on its own.

I would simply say to them, 'I'd like to give you notice that I'm moving out at the end of the month. It's been great you letting me live here, and I really appreciate it, but I've been asked to house sit for a friend who needs someone to keep an eye on their house as they are away a lot. Obviously this means I will be able to save a bit more towards a deposit so that hopefully bf and I can buy our own place sooner than we might have done'.

Perhaps offer to take them out for a meal one night before you go as an additional thank you.

DrHolmes Mon 15-Apr-13 21:43:21

Ok so looking after house for the friend, cheap rent, saving towards me and bf's deposit and a meal.

Next question: When do i tell them? Sooner or a couple of days before or what?
I am to be moving in the first or second week of may so I will give them rent money for all of May but should I tell them now so they know this will be their last lot of rent from me?

currentbuns Mon 15-Apr-13 21:49:14

I would tell them ASAP to give them as much time as possible to digest the information, prepare for the change etc.

DrHolmes Mon 15-Apr-13 21:50:08

Ok.

Eeeek!

deleted203 Mon 15-Apr-13 22:13:27

Yes. Tell them now so as to give a reasonable notice. After all, if they were 'proper' landlords you would expect to give a month's notice at least. It would be good manners, if nothing else.

Even if I was desperate to see the back of you I'd be fairly pissed off if you didn't have the courtesy to tell me until 2 days before you left, TBH. smile

NonnoMum Mon 15-Apr-13 22:18:57

They will probably be delighted. Haven't you read the DiL threads on here?

"Our son's girlfriend was always creeping around in our son's room so we suggested she move in, thinking it was for a month or two until he manned up and they got a place together. However, it has just dragged on and on and now, at last, she has finally told us she is moving out. Although unfortunately DS isn't going with her. God, I want to change that bedroom into a jigsaw room..."

DrHolmes Tue 16-Apr-13 07:33:21

I will tell them tonight. No nono I haven't seen the threads! But his mother never wants her sons to leave and I think she likes the rent money so I think she will be sad. This is the step before her son leaves her. Dun dun dun!

deste Tue 16-Apr-13 12:46:22

I wouldn't mention the rent is cheaper as they might say they will reduce it. I would just say you have agreed to house sit but your not leaving till May.

deste Tue 16-Apr-13 12:47:09

I would also say that you are the only person he can trust.

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