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Would this raise red flags for you? And should I mind my own business?

(18 Posts)
roundtower Mon 15-Apr-13 16:40:15

This has been bothering me for a while.

My friend recently joined Facebook. Within hours a guy who had been friends with her (abusive, in my opinion) ex-boyfriend sent her a friend request and she accepted. They have been in touch regularly since then, chatting on Facebook and email. She has given him her address as he wanted to send her a book. I can't believe she gave her address to someone who is basically a stranger.

She hasn't seen him for about 15 years since the relationship with her ex ended. She knew this guy in a group but from what I recall they weren't really friendly, just saw each other socially, him with his then girlfriend, her with her boyfriend.

Both are married now and live along way apart.

I think it is strange. She says she was surprised he contacted her. They have no mutual friends on Facebook so he would have had to be searching for her fairly regularly to find her as soon as she joined. Would that freak you out? I would be freaked out but she didn't seem to be concerned.

Or alternatively she sought him out in which case why lie about it to me?

If he really did contact her out of the blue then I think she was a bit naive to give out her address so quickly.

I haven't really broached the subject with her but it bothers me.

Should I bring it up because I am a little worried or say nothing?


MandragoraWurzelstock Mon 15-Apr-13 16:42:42

I think FB searches your email address book and shows you people from that. So it could have come up on his feed if he has her old email or something?

roundtower Mon 15-Apr-13 16:44:57

The email address she has on Facebook is her married name so she couldn't have had that when she knew him.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Apr-13 16:46:03

Stand well back.... Breathe normally... 15 years is a long time. Maybe he always liked her in the old days and, so far, she's only at the book-swapping stage

roundtower Mon 15-Apr-13 16:49:49

But would you give your home address to someone you hadn't seen for 15 years and the only connection was that he was friendly with some who basically treated you like crap for years?

I wouldn't but different strokes I suppose.

IYoniWantToBeWithYou Mon 15-Apr-13 16:52:32

If he wanted to he could find out her address from the electoral role. Its no big deal really. I think you are needlessly worrying, what do you think he will do with her address?

MandragoraWurzelstock Mon 15-Apr-13 16:53:58

depends if he is still friendly with the abusive one.

roundtower Mon 15-Apr-13 17:06:21

He is still friendly with the abusive one - see each other a few times a year and to quote him 'he's still an asshole'.

roundtower Mon 15-Apr-13 19:14:51

bump. Could do with some more opinions.

Maybe I should just ask her outright if she looked for him?
At least then I wouldn't worry about the fact that he seemed to be looking for her.

MuthaHubbard Mon 15-Apr-13 19:26:37

TBH, don't really think it's any of your business......when you join fb it often suggests people you may know - i have friends on there i've not seen for 20yrs since school, surely that's no different?

roundtower Mon 15-Apr-13 19:34:06

But doesn't it only suggest people who have mutual friends or is it complete random strangers? And even then what are the chances? They weren't even friends 15 years ago, just friendly acquaintances.

Like I said they have no mutual friends on Facebook yet he contacted her within hours of her joining.

Maybe I'm paranoid? Been reading too many thrillers or something.

It just seems weird to me.

I'll just forget about it, I think.

pictish Mon 15-Apr-13 19:40:31

It's n0t ringing alatms bells with me at this stage, no.
And I don't think it's any of your business, if I'm being honest. It's nice that you are concerned and looking out for your pal...but who she befriends on fb really and truly isn't for you to worry about. x

BOF Mon 15-Apr-13 19:42:02

Yes, it's really nothing to do with you, by the sound of it. Give her a friendly warning, by all means, but she doesn't have to explain herself to you.

pictish Mon 15-Apr-13 19:42:05

I'll bet my last tenner she contacted him btw...and not the other way round.
She probably had the hots for him back then, and wondered what he was up to.

Se won't be telling you that, in case she looks like a desperado.

roundtower Mon 15-Apr-13 19:48:37

The more I think about it the more I think she contacted him and was embarrassed to say.

I am just a bit concerned about her because she really did have an awful time with the ex this guy is friends with. He was very bullying and controlling and treated her very badly. It took a long time for her to see that and by then he had eroded all her self confidence etc. It took a long time for her to recover.

She has long since left that behind and I struggle to see why she would seek out someone who was connected to that time.

I'll leave it be now.

Thanks everyone.

WafflyVersatile Mon 15-Apr-13 23:00:40

He's not her ex though. Plenty of abusive people have lots of perfectly nice friends.

SolidGoldBrass Tue 16-Apr-13 00:38:12

Have you considered getting a hobby? Getting your undies in a bundle over something that is a) harmless by the sound of it and b) none of your business suggests that you have too much time on your hands.

roundtower Tue 16-Apr-13 08:07:48

I have plenty of hobbies, thanks solidgoldbrass. Have you considered getting some compassion?

I was simply concerned for a good friend who spent years in a horrible situation. I'd consider that a normal human reaction.

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