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Making the first move with a guy you have history with......does it ever work out?

(7 Posts)
Playerpleeeease Mon 15-Apr-13 14:46:11

This is my first post, ive lurked for a long time I'm not sure if this is the right place to post but I need some advice and you lot give it good! I'm going to be vague though in case I get recognised.

I'm crushing chronically on this guy at the moment. To me he is perfect, I've known him for over Half my life. We were together for 3 years, it ended about 8 years ago with my saying to him..... you're just to nice for me, I was a bit of a mess at the time and thought he deserved much better than me. We were quite young at the time (teens)

However we have recently spent some Time together and he thought I meant - too nice = he was too boring for me. I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything, but now I feel awful. I just want him to know how much I think of him and how I'd love to give it another go. But I'm terrified!

I don't know what to say/how to say it. I'm not confident due to an incredibly EA relationship that ended last year (I only realised when I came into this board, what was happening and I thank you all so much, I never posted just read other people threads that were in similar situations, and your advice was spot on) I've had councilling (sp?) and feel ready to move on and have a healthy relationship.

I'm spending some time with him at the weekend. I think we will be alone but not sure. So please help me with what to say!!! I have never done anything like this before and feel scared of rejection/looking like an idiot!

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Apr-13 14:58:04

How about focusing on the present than thinking you have to atone for the past? Coming out of an EA relationship with bruised confidence and having a track record of thinking this man 'deserves better' than you is skewing your perception. The danger of the set-up you describe is that you feel guilty/unworthy, undersell yourself or you're grateful in some way.... any of which would put you in a weak position and make you look needy. Why not approach the weekend more assertively? i.e. that you are a fantastic example of womanly wonderfulness, you're a totally different person to the nervous kid you used to be and he's really lucky you still like him.... so how about it? If he knocks you back, it's his loss. Courage.

Coro Mon 15-Apr-13 15:14:41

Cognito that is fab advice.
OP-- I could have written your post a while ago. I have grown closer to a guy ive known since schooll. We're rapidly approaching 30 now and despite always being friendly over the last year we've grown closer. I have been in EA relationships and so understand your anxiety. He is one of few people who makes me feel like myself though. I have chronic health problems,ds and lots of stress atm and he's not phased at all.
To be spending the weekend together the time you spend together must be good so enjoy and don't feel you have to apologise for being you.

Playerpleeeease Mon 15-Apr-13 15:28:30

Thanks both of you, cognito you are right, I need to let it go and chill out! I'm just so nervous, I have never asked a man out before, Just the words...do you want to go for a drink just me and you....coming out my mouth seems terrifying! Ill just go all red and mumbley, and how shall i react in a nochalent (sp?) manner if he says no? I wear my heart on my sleeve so if he says no, my face will say crushed iykwim.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Apr-13 15:33:11

Rather than anticipating rejection, go into it like one of the Apprentices in the board room.... i.e present yourself and ask the question in the manner of someone who expects yes for an answer. "You'd like to come for a drink with me, wouldn't you?"... easy smile If he says no a cheery 'never mind' and change the subject.

Playerpleeeease Mon 15-Apr-13 18:38:44

Thanks cogito, you make it sound so easy smile I will let you know how It goes.....wish me luck!

Coro Wed 17-Apr-13 20:57:19

Good luck! Hope it goes well. X

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