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Controlling behaviour - Seeking advice as i have no where to turn

(107 Posts)
tweedlezee Mon 15-Apr-13 11:03:33

OK, so here I am. confused and alone with no where to turn or so it feels. Wondered if the good ship mums net could sail me away to a happier place. I am going to be brutally honest and I really hope someone else out there is too.
So DP and I have 2 kids. We were together about a year before I got pregnant. when I got pregnant he couldn't have been happier.
not long after, he said a couple of odd things which stick in my mind. he sort of accused me of maybe being pregnant by someone else. this stayed with me all through my pregnancy and it was a huge relief when my son came out looking exactly like his dad. so I moved out of my gorgeous flat and into his stinking flat to save money. I had SPD through my pregnancy and so really couldn't move/walk/turn over in bed. I ate a lot and became quite depressed. he used to get really frustrated with me. telling me I should do more but when I offered things up to do, he never wanted to do them with me. He used to want me to go out clubbing but didn't understand why I felt it wan't appropriate., I felt I could do nothing right and I could not please him. despite working 40 hours a week, saving like mad and cooking. cleaning for him.
We moved into a new house and my son was born. I developed post-natal depression as I had limited support from family (who live v.far away) and my DP was building his business. I became pregnant again, just as I felt I was getting myself back. my SPD became too much by the time I was 6 months pregnant. I couldn't stand and me and DS spent a lot of time at home watching telly. I could just about stand up long enough to make tea for DS and DP. DP used to get frustrated with me as I cried a lot due to being immobile/working 25 hours a week and looking after a 1 yr old.
DP can be quite stand off-ish with my friends. has been known to tell me that if I keep 'speaking my mind' then my friends will 'not like me anymore'. My friends are amazing. He has also been known to be rude about my parents and I find myself joining and feeling bad about them coming over because he seems uncomfortable with them around.
I am confused.
He feels controlling but he tells me I am controlling. I have wanted to return to work but he has said that his job is more important. he wont agree to giving me some money everyweek saying I should just be able to ask for it. HE is always late and makes me late even though I want to be on time. he seems to know it will upset me and tells me I am being stupid. he tells me I am mad whenever w e fight and ignores my feelings. he also says he worries about the kids with me but leaves them at home with me everyday and wont sacrifice the growth of his business. I am confused. I am alone. I don't want to talk to my friend too much as I don't want them to think ill of him or to feel to protective of me as its is awkward for them. Please help.

shadesofwhite Tue 20-Aug-13 20:28:07

You seriously need to leave the Bastard! Please don't let a 'one night prince charming smile' win you back into more abuse. He knows how to hook you back and he seems to be doing it. Forget everything else, take your beautiful children away from that environment. Run like the wind and Don't look back.

tweedlezee Tue 20-Aug-13 20:39:55

I just need to find somewhere to run to. all my friends have small homes without space for kids. tomorrow afternoon I will try to speak tot he local housing associations and see what they can do. I guess I am technically homeless. Thing is I have got on a course I REALLY want to do and so I need to stay in the area to do it. I am loathe to put it off another year because that is what I did last year.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay Tue 20-Aug-13 20:42:35

smile thanks jacey
Tweedle the council will put you off from applying for housing to be sure but that doesn't mean you can't apply.

LoisPuddingLane Tue 20-Aug-13 20:43:01

What about your homeless persons unit at the council? You may end up in a hostel or something though.

tweedlezee Tue 20-Aug-13 20:45:07

yeh I am on the housing register already so I will have to get in touch with them and see if it changes my status. gee whizz. and I have to sleep in the same house as him. (screams at ceiling)!

foolonthehill Tue 20-Aug-13 20:56:51

You don;t have to stay, you could if necessary walk out to your local police station with your DC and be rehomed either in temporary accommodation or the local refuge.

it depends what happens next.

venting here is good, but don't let the frustration make you more stuck than you are

myroomisatip Tue 20-Aug-13 21:07:58

{{hugs}} to you.

I only found the courage to leave when the balance was tipped between being scared of leaving and being scared of living the rest of my life like that!

Have you been in touch with the local D.V. unit at the police station?

You will get through this, hopefully sooner rather than later! Please keep posting smile

And as said upthread, please do not fall for his niceness... My ex was like that, nice, nice, nice, NASTY, nice, nice..... etc.... Did my head in!

I ended up self harming, on AD's, I had counselling several times, CBT, I begged a psychiatrist to 'put me away', I so wanted to get away from him. Honestly, it really does get worse. Well I can only speak for my own experience. sad

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