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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I need to get over this crush, it is crushing me...

85 replies

YoniShapedLoveBox · 14/04/2013 01:07

Found an ex boyfriend on FB, he was the BEST and we ended because of family pressure (we were young)
He accepted my FB friendship but doesn't reply to my private message (I just asked for a recommendation from his work field) and seems happy with his GF.
I am a total stalker right now, lusting over his photos and can't get over it...
I know it is ridiculous and IABU
Also, what is the chance he isn't replying because he didn't see the message? It is not marked as 'seen', but apparently he could have checked on his email...? He definitely is logging in as he accepted me as a friend not long ago...(last week)...I habe been drooling over his photos for a long time, but decided to add him on a crazy spur of the moment.

Just spoke to an good old friend and she also remembers how cute, sweet, gentle and perfect he was to me...

Please give me a much needed kick in the butt

TIA

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Mumcentreplus · 14/04/2013 01:16

Awww YoniShaped..this is just a Crush..unrequited love/lust (how I love it ) you will get over it ...right now you are just caught up, he's happy and loved up..if that changed would you be up for it?..really?

Mumcentreplus · 14/04/2013 01:16

YoniShapedLoveBox · 14/04/2013 01:21

He seems so happy with that lucky b.i.t.c.h. Just joking, she seems like a nice person and his friends and family like her.
Shit.
I would definitely totally be up for trying again.
We had a great relationship but my mum didn't like him because he had tattoos and his mum didn't like me because my mum didn't like him...

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MistressoftheYoniverse · 14/04/2013 01:28

I hear you...But it's not going to happen...(for now) just pic lust and don't hold your breath..before you know it you will be weaned off him..I know what it feels when there's unfinished business..but it's been a long time...

YoniShapedLoveBox · 14/04/2013 01:31

no.........................................

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YoniShapedLoveBox · 14/04/2013 01:31

So
did he seen my message?
or did he not?

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MistressoftheYoniverse · 14/04/2013 01:39

He probably did...it's highly likely..but maybe it's just not that important to him?..or maybe like me he's a serial procrastinator?...or he's not regular Fbooker?..so many reasons love x

TranceDaemon · 14/04/2013 01:40

You know you have to step back don't you? He's got a GF, he's happy. Don't go doing an Adele!

tigerdriverII · 14/04/2013 01:43

He's the one that got away. Please don't stalk him, it won't go well.

YoniShapedLoveBox · 14/04/2013 01:46

Why he didn't reply?
It was such a short dry message just asking for some info, and he could say "I don't know" for example
I assure you, the message didn't give anything away
Unless he has a feature on his FB that shows him how many times a check him up...I really hope he doesn't.

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badinage · 14/04/2013 01:50

So are you saying that if he replied saying he was up for something, you'd say yes despite the fact he's got a partner?

YoniShapedLoveBox · 14/04/2013 01:52

No
I if he was single
If he said he was up for something while he has a GF than he would't be the guy I love
Than crush over

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TapirsTickleMeYoni · 14/04/2013 01:54

It doesn't really make any difference if he's seen the message or not tbh.

You are lusting after a man who is already in a relationship - what exactly is it that you want from him? To msg you? Speak to you? Break up with his partner for you?

Leave him alone, it's not worth the heartache that you'll give yourself (or him & his partner).

tigerdriverII · 14/04/2013 01:55

People often don't reply to FB messages, texts, etc (well, I don't). You shouldn't read too much into it. I am a useless FB friend as I remember months later, then am too embarrassed (not really) to reply.

YoniShapedLoveBox · 14/04/2013 01:57

Well
Can I not keep fantasies and dreams in my mind?
I am not leaving him tons of messages, posting in his timeline, sending him photos or calling...
Heart ache will be only mine
Not ideal but I am a but Adele, Amy Winehouse like that

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MistressoftheYoniverse · 14/04/2013 01:58

YoniShaped well you know how he is don't you..just crush him..seriously it will fade..he just reminds you of good innocent times..appreciate how he makes you feel but also remember how much you respect yourself and him x

YoniShapedLoveBox · 14/04/2013 01:59

oh and I genuinely wanted a recommendation from him
That is why I added him as a friend and sent a message...I was checking his profile which is open long before
Maybe is time to de-friend than
I am sure he won't give a fuck shit

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MistressoftheYoniverse · 14/04/2013 02:00

YoniShaped you are not alone..x

MistressoftheYoniverse · 14/04/2013 02:03

He might answer he might not..tbh it's not that important one way or another you just might feel that way..de-friending is not even an issue

YoniShapedLoveBox · 14/04/2013 02:04

oh God
gold old times....
I will never forgive my mum for that

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YoniShapedLoveBox · 14/04/2013 02:04

Thanks mum

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badinage · 14/04/2013 02:05

Really, you don't love him. Stop being so dramatic. You're just in love with the past, not the unknown him he is now.

You'd be better off looking at what your own life is lacking at the moment for this sort of obsession to take hold.

Be honest with yourself too. You didn't contact him just for some work advice. You contacted him because you wanted him to mirror these feelings of long lost lurve and soulmates who never should have been parted. But he doesn't feel the same about that, is happy in his new relationship and probably realises that keeping in contact with you will spell trouble in one way or another so it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.

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MrsPoglesWood · 14/04/2013 02:09

I agree with the others. You really need to take a step back from this.

But.. unless it says 'seen' on FB it hasn't been seen. I get emails about FB messages but they don't contain the text of the message. I have to log in to read it. I check my emails every 2 or 3 days and FB less than that. At least stop beating yourself up about being ignored! My DP doesn't check his FB or email account from one month to the next. Chances are he hasn't seen it yet.

But you're investing far, far too much in this and overthinking it and you know it. It's hard I know, I went through something similar with an ex many years back and it nearly sent me round the twist. Give yourself a break and a bit of breathing space lovely.

deleted203 · 14/04/2013 02:11

He didn't reply because he wasn't interested enough to.

You (and your friend) may well remember him as being 'cute, sweet, gentle and perfect to you' - but to him you are simply someone he knew years ago and he isn't bothered about being in touch with again.

I'm also concerned that you say, 'he wouldn't be the guy I love'. You don't really love this man, you haven't had any contact with him for years - what you have is a rose coloured teenage image of him, and the fantasies and dreams you have built up over the past week. He is in a happy relationship with a girlfriend he loves, and who is close to his family and friends.

I would put him out of my mind, personally.

YoniShapedLoveBox · 14/04/2013 02:11

ah ha
So here is the answer!!
and probably realises that keeping in contact with you will spell trouble in one way or another so it's best to let sleeping dogs lie

He has got feelings for me after all!

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