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Was this a bit passive aggressive/to make a point? [Warning: possibly trivial]

(13 Posts)
MerlotSchmerlot Sat 13-Apr-13 20:10:46

Sorry this is almost definitely trivial but I'm doubting my judgement here and not sure if I'm overreacting.

DH was taking my eldest DS out to a sports thing this afternoon and they have to drive right past the supermarket so I asked him to get a few bits on the way back. I did originally say milk and the newspaper but ended up writing a list of about 15 things for him to get.

So he gets there and realises it won't all fit in a basket and he doesn't have any change for a trolley. Phones me to see if we really need it all but I don't hear the phone as in another room.

Just as I spot the missed call and am calling back he shows up outside the house, comes inside and explains what happened.

I say don't worry about it, I only asked as you were passing, I'll just go later or tomorrow. But he insists on going back so I give him a pound coin for the trolley. By this time it's getting near the boys' tea time so I suggest he goes to a smaller supermarket near the big one, but he ignores that suggestion and comes back with the shopping nearly an hour later (it's about a seven minute drive to the supermarket).

When he gets back he starts crashing around "tidying up" and obviously in a major bad mood. I said he seemed stressed, he said yes he was. I asked if there was anything I could do to help but he just said no.

In fairness by the time I'd served up dinner twenty minutes later he had calmed down and was more upbeat but by then I was starting to get pissed off at his behaviour and felt like the mood of the house had been poisoned.

AIBU to think he didn't need to drive home to get a pound coin (fifteen minute round trip), and he was clearly trying to make the fact that I asked him to do a bit of shopping into a really big deal?

Or was he just having a bad day? He's popped out now but when he gets back I need to either raise it with him or have got over it. I know he'll say I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Am I???

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 13-Apr-13 20:17:38

15 things? why didn't he just take 2 baskets? Or take cash out of the cash machine and buy a packet of gum or something, so he'd have a pound?

Sounds like yes, he did want to be a baby about it.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 13-Apr-13 20:21:13

My guess too is that he actively enjoys being passive aggressive like this as this is really about power and control. He's acted like this as well before now hasn't he?.

TheNewSchmoo Sat 13-Apr-13 20:21:14

I would just enjoy your evening together and not make a particular point of raising it, it does seem very petty (on both sides) to me I'm afraid.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sat 13-Apr-13 20:25:48

my ex always used to make a huge fuss if asked him to pick up anything from the supermarket. It's to shut you up and stop you from asking again, sadly.

whomovedmychocolate Sat 13-Apr-13 20:28:38

Ah you interrupted his routine my dear, men don't like that in general. He was a bit silly so I wouldn't mention it. He'll be confused as to why he's pissed off. Don't give him reason to be. Just smile sweetly and pretend it didn't happen.

LemonBreeland Sat 13-Apr-13 20:33:40

He sounds like he was being a bit of an arse. You had already sid nevermind, and unless you said that in arsey manner I really don't get what his problem was.

CognitiveOverload Sat 13-Apr-13 20:41:58

Oh well everyone has their moods. ..

WafflyVersatile Sat 13-Apr-13 20:50:37

just sounds like he wound himself up into a bad mood then calmed down again. some days little things can get to you.

bouncyagain Sat 13-Apr-13 21:17:50

He could keep some coins inthe car for parking, trolleys, guys who wash windscreens, that sort of thing. I do. I thought all blokes did this?

garlicyoni Sat 13-Apr-13 21:31:06

Yh, he's being a twat. Ignore it unless Atilla's right and you're actually living with this on a routine basis.

cumfy Sun 14-Apr-13 01:26:14





Not so much PA, as senile or psychopathic.

MerlotSchmerlot Sun 14-Apr-13 07:46:43

Thanks all. Decided to take your advice and ignore.

Attila, he does this kind of thing occasionally and since lurking on this board for a while I've realised it's a control thing and I've started calling him on it. But wasn't sure whether to let this one go or not as a row about it probably would have ruined the weekend.

Cumfy, not sure why you think I'm a troll? Don't trolls post about slightly more, ahem, contentious things than pound coin rage?!

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