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I want a cuddle with my dad

(7 Posts)
StickEmWithThePointyEnd Fri 12-Apr-13 20:54:33

But I would feel akward and embarrassed asking for one. We have been back in touch for about 5 months now, he left when I was 8 and we had very little contact between then and when I was 16, then no contact at all for 7 years after that. We're only back in contact because my mum died a few months ago. He lives at the other end of the country so meet ups have to be planned in advance and I still can't say "love you" at the end of a phone conversation, which would have been completely normal if I were talking to my mum. He always says it to me though. Sometimes I really feel like I really want a hug, but I'm not 8 anymore, I'm an adult. It all feels wierd. Not sure what I'm asking here but I can't say this to anyone in RL.

2anddone Fri 12-Apr-13 21:26:44

Stick didn't want to read and run. My dad left when I was 4 I lost contact when I was 11 saw him again when I was 19 and have had no contact for the past 13 years, tonight dh told me he was leaving for good and I would give anything for a hug off my dad right now. Next time you talk to him tell him you love him, tell him you struggle to say it because of your past but that you want him to know. x

TonysHardWorkDay Fri 12-Apr-13 21:31:58

I wish I could come and give you a big cuddle myself right now.

You're not 8 but you are still human and we all need love and affection and often a different kind of love and affection that can come from a partner. I think it is different as we love our families in a different way to how we love partners or friends.

Your still reeling from the loss of your Mum and I think (stress on think - amateur psych moment here) that it is her that you really want to hug right now. One thing my Mum said to be is that I may become an adult but I'll never stop being her child. I don't know the back story but do you think you could develop a stronger relationship with your Dad? If you do maybe write him a letter telling him how you feel, give yourself time to think and reread/revise before sending it though but never feel ashamed or wrong for wanting to do that. I imagine it is something he would like to hear and could go a long way to developing a stronger, better relationship between you both.

I've put rather a jumble of thoughts here, but I will reiterate, there is nothing wrong or weird about how you are feeling and I sending the biggest hug I can down the internet.

StickEmWithThePointyEnd Fri 12-Apr-13 22:05:01

Thank you both. I definitely want a cuddle from my mum sad. I don't feel brave enough to tell him how I feel just yet. I'd also like to go out somewhere for the day just me and him, without my brothers and sister, stepmother, or even my husband and ds. But again, I'm not quite brave enough to suggest that!

I'm so sorry to hear your news 2anddone, you can join in mine and Tony's internet hug if you want.

TonysHardWorkDay Fri 12-Apr-13 22:21:20

I'm sending an extra big hug to you both, it can be a big old group cuddle on the sofa and they'll we'll watch cheesy films good improving programmes and eat a shed load of junk carrot sticks.

Seriously write a letter, you don't need to ask for a cuddle straight away! Say you'd like to spend a day together just the two of you so you can get to know each other on your own. That is vitally important if you are develop a proper relationship. Look for somewhere half way between you both, maybe plan something you can do, a museum or gallery, something to talk about and that will allow for companionable silences without it being awkward. This may be silly but see what museums have things like dinosaurs or mummies (or both) both tend to be of at least some interest to all ages and less of a specific taste whereas a lot hate art etc. PM me giving me a middle region and I'll see what I can find, I'm a big kid and dinosaur nut I have a keen interest in Paleontology and have visited lots of museums and a lot of universities have great museums that a lot don't know about. It could be a really nice way for you to start building something between you.

Everyone here would be happy to help you compose a nice note or card, or send me a PM if you don't want to put it out in the open.

TonysHardWorkDay Fri 12-Apr-13 22:22:06

Then not they'll. how did I manage that? Wine??

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Sat 13-Apr-13 01:11:10

As you know Stickem life is short. I'm sorry for your loss.
I have found - about hugs - that you only have to open your arms. Maybe your dad is waiting for you to do that first - as he hasn't had contact when you were growing up.
Try it.

I also know that losing your mum gets easier to cope with in time but it does take time.

Best of luck.

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