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About affairs and trust I suppose

(17 Posts)
Busesondiversion Fri 12-Apr-13 20:48:42

Some womens advice please about a new relationship.
I?m a few weeks into a new relationship which reached the bedroom quickly (second date) but after many weeks of internet dating contact so I feel we knew each other quite well before we met in the flesh so to speak.
Last year my long-term relationship ended when my partner began an affair with a married man, and that is still chundering on unresolved as between her, the man, his wife in a very public and damaging way for them all.
The woman I have met has been married twice, the first in her 20?s which ended badly when she had an affair with a married man which she volunteered to her husband and ended her marriage but not the other man?s. Her second marriage was in her 40?s and ended when her husband had an affair, and he married the other woman. So far, one all.
I?ve not had her full history -yet- but she has told me about one relationship she had with a married boss (unclear if he was separated or not). More recently and I think for a few years now she has provided ?bed and breakfast? for a married man from overseas when he travels through the UK.
I?m not quite sure what my question is. Probably whether I can trust her. If I asked her, of course she would say yes she can be trusted (who would not?).
Neither of us are teenagers any more (think a few decades on from that) and each have our share of experience, but I?m interested in the long-term and not having my heart broken. Objectively, we are well suited and I think she?s a lovely person. She?s obviously more unconventional than me. I?m one of the loyal, faithful types.
Thank you in advance if you have any help.

akaWisey Fri 12-Apr-13 21:45:31

Did your current GF volunteer the information about her past OP?

akaWisey Fri 12-Apr-13 21:52:22

What I mean is, you only seem to know about her past relationships with OM or those who you suspect were OM.
Presumably she has had other relationships which weren't infidelities?

I've not had her full history -yet

Do you need to have her full history? If so, why?

The truth is, there are no guarantees in any relationship whether either or both partners were previously entirely faithful and trustworthy,

cjel Fri 12-Apr-13 22:10:47

Doesn't sound like I'd want to settle with her. She's not that old for all those partners and I think I'd always struggle with trust.

Thisisaeuphemism Fri 12-Apr-13 22:12:49

I don't know..if you are well suited and she is lovely, I would keep going, at your own pace.
Does how one has behaved in past relationships indicate how one will behave in the next one? Maybe, maybe not...

Thisisaeuphemism Fri 12-Apr-13 22:17:40

Really cjel?, she's in her 40s and her 2nd husband left her. Two other fellas are mentioned. Doesn't sound like a v high number of partners at all.

Just play it by ear, op, it's only been a few weeks...

greeneyed Fri 12-Apr-13 22:18:10

Doesn't sound like a lot of partners for someone who is 50ish. I'd not worry too much about her past and focus on the present if you like her and she's not hiding anything. You can talk to her about expectations for the future though when that's appropriate.

cjel Fri 12-Apr-13 22:56:38

Suppose not, it just sounded like a list when I first read it!!!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Fri 12-Apr-13 22:59:35

Oh good lord cjel, I shudder to think what you would make of me & my number....!

YonirockandrollbutIlikeit Fri 12-Apr-13 23:00:29

What's your history like OP?

cjel Fri 12-Apr-13 23:00:33

Nothing honest hearts!! Sorry - senior moment!!!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Fri 12-Apr-13 23:02:23

Cjel grin you're off the hook honey wink

HubbaHubbaHubbaInHoobLand Fri 12-Apr-13 23:02:44

Yes i think you can trust her. i was a cheat but have been with my dp now 5 years and would not dream of cheating on him. If she is happy with you then there would be no reason for her to look elsewhere! Women like to be loved, cared for, looked after and respected.

cjel Fri 12-Apr-13 23:03:02


Busesondiversion Fri 12-Apr-13 23:47:22

My problem is not the number of partners she's had, it's past married men and in particular the one she still sees when he travels through.
She is still cut up about the husband who was unfaithful to her and who she divorced for it, but can't make the connection that she is doing it to another wife somewhere else in the world.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 12-Apr-13 23:55:25

She sounds a bit of a nightmare to be honest OP. Do unto others stuff comes to mind here. So does all over the place. Do you need the drama?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 13-Apr-13 10:38:27

If you're just coming out of a bad relationship experience and are still feeling bruised then you probably don't need someone with quite this much 'baggage'. Although, if you're in your forties or fifties, finding someone who doesn't have an interesting love-life behind them is going to be a tough call.

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