As you're probably aware after my previous thread my DH is a jerk to me. He is however good with our kids. Anyway, I've been a SAHM since our eldest was born in July 2010. When then had another in Dec 2011.
DH thinks 'I have it easy' and that I am 'lazy'. He resents me being a SAHM. Yet whenever I try to bring up the topic of me working, he won't discuss it. My wage wouldn't cover childcare.
So am I trapped into being a SAHM? I am so desperately low. I can't do this anymore. With no respect, no appreciation, I just can't do it anymore.
My GP has boosted my antidepressants from 50mg to 100mg. I have a HV coming on Thursday (I've told her I want to return to work).
What do you get out of this relationship now, why are you together at all?.
I think the main cause of your depressive state is actually your H.
You are not trapped but really can you imagine another 3- 5 years of this?. What are your children learning from the two of you about relationships here?. What do you want to teach them about relationships, surely not such an awful role model.
That's not answering the question at all is it. That answer just makes you look defensive as well as silly.
Of course you are not a shit mother, far from it, but your H has and is playing a huge part in how you arrived at this low point in your life now. Your children won't thank you for remaining with him if you were to choose to.
If you tell someone they are shit often enough they will start to believe it.
It has happened to you & the example you & your DH are showing your kids will also affect them. <sorry to be blunt>
You get yourself a job ....any job and get some form of income.
Do NOT repeat DO NOT let him ahve any of the money.
Once you have that bit of confidence and independance then maybe you will see that the problems you are having is fundamentally down to his treatment of you & hopefully you will see that you have a choice.
We ALWAYS have choices, not always brilliant ones but you deserve better & so do your DC keep telling yourself that.
When your HV comes tomorrow, don't just tell her you want to return to work, tell her how your DH is being about it. See what she says.
Personally I would ditch the job hunting for now and get an exit plan in place, then get a job later. You'd be entitled to housing benefit, council tax benefit and tax credits which would also cover a large chunk of childcare. And you wouldn't have to listen to his moaning. (If you don't work you get less in tax credits but also Income Support)
It wouldn't have to be a full time job, not at first. Your eldest will be eligible for a 15 hour nursery place in September if she isn't already, find a childminder who does nursery pick ups or a day nursery which accepts the funding and you're laughing. As the little one gets older your childcare bill will reduce as well.
OP at the moment you dont want to face reality - it is clear in your posts. You are not happy but you are not prepared to step outside your comfort zone...until you are pushed probably. We can all tell you how much better things will be eventually. We can all tell you that this is not doing your kids any good. You are not ready to hear it. Why dont you hang out at the ea thread for a while.
Oh come on. You'd rather be on high doses of any depressants than dump this idiot and love a happy life with your children? I just don't get that. Have you even at least considered breaking up with him and found out your rights to benefits your home etc?