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help me understand the strange world of friendships!

(5 Posts)
lucindapie Fri 12-Apr-13 15:03:24

Hi that's it really. the world of making friends is kind of strange to me since, I was rubbish making friends as a child, and didn't have a good model as my parents didn't have friends.
I have some friends that I made instantly when I first met them, there's other people that I meet at various group, who are aquaintances. Some I like and would like to be friends with, but it doesn't seem to be instant with some people. How does this work in your experience? Will some of these aquaitances eventually be friends or not? I don't make an effort to arrange to see these people, since I just meet them the next time we have a group, and also I'm not sure how to make this jump from person I meet in a group, to actual friend.
It seems like either it happens immediatly or not at all. thanks for reading!

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 12-Apr-13 15:08:16

I used to have a similar problem. Loved participating with others in a group situation but that's where it stopped. What I've found is essential is making the 'effort to arrange to see these people' as you put it ... round mine for coffee, out for dinner, finding a local concert that they might like and offering to get a ticket etc. If you do that and they don't like you, that's where it ends. If they like you they invite you back!

lucindapie Fri 12-Apr-13 15:21:01

good advice cogito, thank you. the thing i find though, is that if a group meets weekly, it's hard to find the incentive to arrange to meet up, because people tend to just rely on that group meeting. hmmm, I feel like I need to find a common interest with an individual and then suggest an activity, but what I don't know, an art gallery maybe or something.
concert would be good, but we all have young kids and no-one is interested in going out in the evening!

EldritchCleavage Fri 12-Apr-13 15:27:13

Everyone loves afternoon tea, in my experience. Trips out to local parks with kids are also good-adults get to talk, kids get to play, it's not pressured. The key is finding things that are easy for people to do/get to/pay for, with or without kids and where when they don't know you well) it won't seem too formal or pressured. Stuff like dinner invitations is best coming later, when you've already established a rapport.

FranKatzenjammer Fri 12-Apr-13 15:29:09

Could you arrange to go for a coffee/drink/lunch/whatever after the group? Even if you all had kids in tow (not sure what time of day it is, or what sort of class), it might still be fun.

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