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Anyone live in a place they don't like due to relationship? Is it worth it?

(7 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Fri 12-Apr-13 10:35:38

I am back in my dullsville hometown . Have been here for 5 years since having dd. TBH I would never have come back here if I wasn't pregnant. Plus sides: It is lovely, middle-class, clean, safesurrounded by countryside with good schools.
Bad points: It's so dull, conservative, no job opportunities or entertainment for young people. It's a goldfish bowl. I just came back from London. I am still buzzing. I have wanted to live there for a long time and I adore it.
Trouble is I have also wanted to find a decent man for ages and I have just started dating one. I have fallen for him. Trouble is that he is tied to this are untill his kids grow up which is about 16 years. I love the way he makes an effort with his kids and would stay round here for them. He didn't grow up here so has a fresh perpective on the place whereas I'm weary. I am not going to chuck him and rush off to London any time soon. I was going to stay here for about 2 years until dd starts juniour school etc. 5 or 10 years even I can cope with being here. 16 years seems like a terrifying prospect! I know I am speaking too soon as the relationship is very young. This place isn't bad and one bonus is that my dds grandad lives here.
I'm just wondering if anyone has compromised where they live for a relationship and if so, do you regret it?

Lavenderhoney Fri 12-Apr-13 11:06:02

Can you try to see the positives of the place through new eyes? There must be something you like- do you have new friends, hobbies and stuff? Or hooked up with old friends?

We live somewhere I don't like because of my dh job- we make the best of it. It's not that bad really. The dc are happy and I think if I spend my times wishing I was elsewhere, life will continue anyway.

Your relationship is quite new, can you keep your exit plan quietly in place whilst you see how it goes with your bf, and be flexible about moves? Though if you are determined to leave, you won't be as prepared to be open to make the best of it iyswim!

MooMooSkit Fri 12-Apr-13 11:14:25

Hello! I am also from London originally, I lived there till I was 23, my partner did try the London life with me for 6 months but he wanted to settle down here, his home town, it's a small coastal town. I defintely am like you, I prefer the busy life in London, good transport (can't believe I ever moaned about London transport compared to here!) lots of things to do! I've lived here now since april 2011, I've never fell in "love" with the town and i can't say it feels like home but I do try and focus on the positives? Perhaps you can try to do that? I try and balance out things when I think negatively like the buses here are useless, I try and remember my partner does know this and he knows it's a bug bear for me so he runs me about as much as possible and it has a nice beach which my home town never liked. The people here are a bit strange but then i find that helps me keep myself to myself and don't seem to have many issues with people and go out less which is good! (less money spent on nights out in london!)

It is hard but I think it can work if you really love each other and he is willing to support you doing all this for him.

superstarheartbreaker Fri 12-Apr-13 11:20:04

Hi all. I mean I could move to London, meet someone and then he might want to move out anyway! I think it is worth staying here and there are many positives. I just get restless sometimes. FWIW..he feels the same way but his kids come first and so they should! I do love and admire him for that ! It's not so bad....and we can always visit London. He just took me up tehre in fact and we had the best time. Probably whey I feel so restless!

OhLori Fri 12-Apr-13 17:28:13

It all sounds rather unresolved. It might take a while to resolve, but I am sure it will if you stay with the question...

Kione Fri 12-Apr-13 18:47:10

I do/did and in a different country! with the difference is that there are more job oportunities here. I hated it for a long long time, felt trapped, other people from my country arent like me at all and difficult to make good friends with the locals BUT after persevering I got the job of my dreams, well paid and what I went to Uni for. I am so so pleased that things have turned out this way. So yes things can change but you have to be patient, I also rhought I didnt have a chance on earth to get a job like this smile

Grinkly Fri 12-Apr-13 18:58:30

Hmm, am where I am because of DH's 'good' job.

I think, irritatingly, that people are people wherever you are so the people you can gel with are there if you look.

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