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What are the most important qualities of a relationship/marriage?

(47 Posts)
Mosschops30 Thu 11-Apr-13 22:51:20

To you?

I'm still dealing with the fact that I have ended my marriage over seemingly insignificant but important to me things.

Just wondered what everyone's ideas were on what you couldn't do without from your OH

KansasCityOctopus Thu 11-Apr-13 22:57:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory Thu 11-Apr-13 23:14:11


feeling safe with him

feeling I enjoy being with him

being able to be myself with him

feeling I'm good enough when I'm with him

Dahlen Thu 11-Apr-13 23:16:01

I don't think it's a case of what you can't do without. I don't think any adult relationship works when one partner needs the other for any reason. IMO, it works best when you don't need the other but simply want them for who they are and how they make you feel. It's a lesson in not taking each other for granted.

OTOH, as someone who has two failed relationships behind them, I could be talking out of my arse...

ouryve Thu 11-Apr-13 23:17:34

Being able to trust each other.
Mutual understanding. That doesn't mean agreeing on everything, but it requires a certain level of communication and respect to be possible.
Actually liking each other's company.

TroublesomeEx Thu 11-Apr-13 23:30:53

Honesty, openness, transparency - trust

Kindness, thoughtfulness, consideration

Mutual respect

It sounds so easy when I put it like that!

gomummygoes Thu 11-Apr-13 23:46:52

Mutual respect.
Compatible morals/values.

Have had one failed marriage and now one wonderful marriage. Those three things are the fundamental differences.

tigerdriverII Thu 11-Apr-13 23:49:21

A little bit of surprise but not too much

Andro Thu 11-Apr-13 23:55:56


All of which have to be mutual!

LouLouH Thu 11-Apr-13 23:57:31

When I first wake up in the morning looking like shite/dragged through a hedge backwards and he looks and me with pure love and adoration. Its only been five years but he still looks at me the same way as he did back when it was the "honeymoon period". That is the most important to me (and him) because the day he doesn't look at me like that I'll know hes looking at someone else like it and he'll be torn limb from limb

WallyBantersYoniBox Fri 12-Apr-13 00:00:08

A basic amount of fiscal sensibility

deleted203 Fri 12-Apr-13 00:03:01

Things in common.

Whilst they say 'opposites attract' I have found that the most important thing for DH and I is that we have a great deal in common. So, because we like the same type of houses, furnishings, activities, humour, politics, ideas on raising kids it has meant that we generally get on pretty well.

I can imagine that if you like very modern minimalist furnishings and have a DP who likes comfy, old fashioned period properties you are setting yourself up for a domestic battleground. How tedious it would be to be arguing over the type of wallpaper each of you wanted, for instance.

TroublesomeEx Fri 12-Apr-13 00:17:34

Yes definitely communication and having things in common too.

deliasmithy Fri 12-Apr-13 00:38:20

A Desire to "make it work"
Shared values
Caring about the other person
The ability to Let Things Go
Space to grow

Im a work in progress on one or two of these things ;)

OP, we all have different things on our list, some we can bend, and some are non-negotiable. Sometimes they are small things but represent something bigger. If it was important to you then it wasn't small.

YoniABitBewildered Fri 12-Apr-13 00:45:05

Respect, consideration, chemistry.

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 12-Apr-13 00:52:27

Shared moral values - knowing that you can trust him to make a decision if you're not able to for any reason because even if he might choose a different methodology, he'll still be aiming for the same goal.

Respect and a certain amount of genuine admiration.

A total lack of squeamishness about each others' bodies and other stuff.

Listening to each other.

And, as always, seeing me as a person first and a woman second. The most important one for me.

navada Fri 12-Apr-13 01:05:35


ThePavlovianCat Fri 12-Apr-13 02:07:28

Mutual support
Having fun together
Willingness to put the other person's needs first

coalbunkersareblue Fri 12-Apr-13 07:57:47

I'm surprised only one person has put chemistry...

I'm just realising what a negative effect lack of sexual attraction has had on my marriage

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 12-Apr-13 08:04:42

For me I think chemistry comes as a result of the other things, rather than being a separate thing in its own right. Don't know about others.

niceupthedance Fri 12-Apr-13 08:08:09

I was going to put chemistry or physical attraction.

But this is only sustainable if other conditions are favourable:

Bit of ambition or get up and go
Sense of responsibility
Things in common/fun

There are so many ways to not comply with these fundamentals, I wonder if I will ever want a full-time relationship again. Ho hum.

RememberingMyPFEs Fri 12-Apr-13 08:10:02

Communication (tackle the small stuff so it doesn't get big)
Respect and equality
Desire to make it work

After 1 failed marriage, now in successful marriage and the big difference is communication!!

FasterStronger Fri 12-Apr-13 08:12:30

liking each other
fancying each other
shared values

ThreeBeeOneGee Fri 12-Apr-13 08:15:04

Kindness, thoughtfulness, honesty, integrity, responsibility, reliability.

The same qualities that are important for any relationship (family, friends etc).

One of the reasons I love and admire DH so much is that he always does the right thing, even when no one is watching. He is trustworthy in every area of his life (professional, financial etc).

worsestershiresauce Fri 12-Apr-13 08:17:04

Someone who accepts responsibility, doesn't accuse or blame, shares household tasks fairly, and thinks of others before themselves.

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