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What is the etiquette for ex's attending funerals of ex - inlaws?

(8 Posts)
sizzlingsunshine Wed 10-Apr-13 19:00:27

Bit of advice needed ... what is the etiquette for ex's attending the funeral of an ex in lam?

meditrina Wed 10-Apr-13 19:09:03

You follow the normal etiquette for attending the funeral of a friend.

QueenofWhispers Wed 10-Apr-13 19:22:31

you know, I went to a funeral last week of a good friends father--and her soon to be ex was no where in sight. neither were his parents. maybe he just has bad manners?

AThingInYourLife Wed 10-Apr-13 19:24:08

What meditrina said.

mermaid101 Wed 10-Apr-13 20:44:15

I think it depends on a number of things: how close you were to the deceased, what your relationship is like with your ex, if there is a new partner now and how new they are, if you have children together ect.

My mother came to my father's funeral. They had been divorced for years. They lived in the same small town and never spoke a word to each other again after he moved out. She sat in the amongst the "normal" mourners. There were no new partners and it was fine.

My friend did not attend the funeral of her Ex FIL. Her Ex H was devastated by their separation and, as a result, was massively upset with her. It would have caused him a lot of extra upset to have to deal with seeing her. She sent him a short, thoughtfully worded letter of condolence. She sent her exMIL a much longer letter and visited her at home shortly after.

I think both of these were the correct actions given the circumstances.

SolidGoldBrass Wed 10-Apr-13 20:56:48

It depends very much on the circumstances. I have a co-parent relationship with my DS dad rather than a couple-one, but I wanted him to come along to my father's funeral to help look after DS (who was 6 at the time) - also, he had known my dad and they got on OK.

If the XP was abusive, or dumped the bereaved partner callously for someone else and now the whole family despise him/her it would probably be tactless to attend.

Alwaysreadingonthetrain Wed 10-Apr-13 21:58:37

Apparently Margaret Thatcher's ex-dil is attending her funeral, as well as her son's present wife. I don't know what the etiquette is for where the ex would sit.

ScarlettInSpace Wed 10-Apr-13 23:01:09

Totally depends on relationship IMO, I asked my XH if he would like to come to my stepdads funeral, nearly 3 yrs after we split as they always got on well and occasionally went fishing together after we had separated, and I would do the same if it had happened now some 7 years on.

Would not expect the same from his family however, as they firmly believe that because it was me who found the balls to say our relationship had run its course that I deliberately set out to hurt him hmm

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