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Contact with father and new ow

(6 Posts)
Schoolholidays Wed 10-Apr-13 14:12:23

I really feel like I could do with some advice.

My ex husband was an alcoholic and quite abusive when we were together so we naturally split up got divorced etc. for the last 4-5 years he has been seeing our dc's now and again. (he would love to see them more but over 100 miles distance and he doesn't drive). Because of the alcohol not to mention regular visits(daily) form prostitutes etc I have always been reluctant for the kids dd7 ds5 to be alone with him as he is not very responsible having said that he loves the kids like crazy. So any overnight access he has had I've always been present. In December I decided to let him have the kids over night as they really wanted that too and I obviously wanted them to have a relationship without me being there. So they stayed and it all went well. So kids were excited to spend boxing day with him and sleepover too. The kids are quite young and when they arrived my ex had his "girlfriend" a Brazilian non English speaking lady there and introduced the kids and said I'm going to marry her etc. kids were confused but just carried on as kids do, my problem is that the 2nd overnight visit that the kids had with their dad this ow was there and the relationship was not serious at that point as they had only spent 2 weeks together in brazil and now she's moved in with him. Where do my kids fit in. Do I let them go and stay with their dad and ow who may or may not stick around. Or do I prevent contact at his house until I'm satisfied this is going to be a long term stable relationship.

I know the kids and dad should be able to carry on but I don't know if having to go to there dads in this situation is any good for them, advice appreciated. Please help

kinkyfuckery Wed 10-Apr-13 14:18:26

You've been split up 5 years and she's been with him a few months? That doesn't make her the OW confused

Unfortunately, you have no legal say as to who he has around your children unless you have reason to think they are in any danger.

Schoolholidays Wed 10-Apr-13 15:32:39

Sorry ow maybe the wrong word.

That's exactly my worry, how do I know this woman will be safe for my children to be around? I was after advice? Not to mention an abusive, alcoholic father with major anger issues. Earlier on this week he thought it was appropriate to send pictures of this woman naked/semi naked to me?

Is that sane, rational behaviour from a responsible father?

I'm on this site for support and advice/guidance. Thanks in advance

kinkyfuckery Wed 10-Apr-13 18:07:28

You didn't mention any of that in your OP. You were perfectly happy to leave the children with this "abusive, alcoholic, angry" man before the girlfriend came into the equation.

I am giving you advice/guidance. You can't control who your ex has around the children, unless there is a court order in place, AFAIK.

Schoolholidays Wed 10-Apr-13 20:11:09

In the original post it does state the fact that he is an alcoholic etc and that the kids stayed over night with me present. Obviously that can't happen when there is a new girlfriend in the house now.

We are taking this matter to court but really I wanted to hear from women who have been in similar situation. I understand I can't prevent contact or decide who he has around the kids forever but I'm worried that this relationship will not last and kids will have all sorts on their minds.

SolidGoldBrass Wed 10-Apr-13 20:48:18

Have you any real reason to suspect that his new partner (she is not the OW, you have been separated for years) is someone who will be a danger to the DC? You seem to resent the idea that he has a sex life when it is not, actually, any of your business.

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