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relationship ended and now overwhelmingly angry

(15 Posts)
Mollymom Wed 10-Apr-13 10:46:32

I thought we had just come to a natural end but no there is another woman! for 4 weeks before he mentioned anything. I had to do a food shop last night and bumped into one of his friends in nearly every aisle and it was incredibly humiliating as he clearly knew everything that had gone on-more so than me. Ex is still in the house but is planning on moving in with Ow who is half his age. I could not even look at him last night so have written him a letter informing him how angry and humiliated I feel and banning OW from having anything to do with dd. If that fair enough?

Lueji Wed 10-Apr-13 11:25:53

So sorry for what you are going through.

But you can't ban her from having anything to do with your DD. Sorry.

Personally, I'd tell him to stop planning and move out now.

Leave the rest out.
He doesn't have to know how angry and humiliated you feel. And I wouldn't let him know.

BTW, I hope he's at least 36. hmm

Mollymom Wed 10-Apr-13 11:32:04

He is 43 she is 22
we were together nearly 20 years

hellsbellsmelons Wed 10-Apr-13 11:33:12

He's 'planning' on moving in with the OW. WHEN????
Kick him to out now.
Pack his things up and leave them outside the door in bin bags.
Believe me, I know how difficult and awkward it is to live with someone once they have betrayed you!
Don't put up with him being there. It's not fair on you at all.
I wish I hadn't - 6 months of hell. Don't do it!
Really sorry you are going through this but don't make it harder on yourself.

wonderingsoul Wed 10-Apr-13 11:34:16

i wouldnt tell him how upset you are. he doesnt need to know. (that may just be own wearied thing. not giving them power of you)

you cant really ban her for good, you would how ever be fair to say you want him to see his dd on his own for a good 6-8 months before interducing a woman into her life.

there is light at the end of the tunnel. channel that anger into making a god dam good and happy life for you and your child. xx

Mollymom Wed 10-Apr-13 11:39:21

I realise I cant ban her forever just for long enough for me if you understand? Dd doesnt know her and as it may not last -I dont want her confused. He hasnt even told his parents yet

wonderingsoul Wed 10-Apr-13 11:48:20

i doubt it'll last.

but kick him out now. pack his bags and dump them out side. how dare he make you r life even more unbearable by decided when he'll move in with his ow. if he cant move there then he can go to a bnb.
he hasnt told his parents? because he feel guilty. id phone them now. tell them what has happened.

there is nothing from stopping YOU from taking control here. you wont belive how empowered you feel after wards. xx

BeCool Wed 10-Apr-13 11:51:48

Kick him out now. He's been lying to you so he can stay in the home until he is prepare to move in with OW. You've every right to be angry and to have time on your own to deal with this. He needs to go - like hellsbells says I'd have his stuff in bin bags today.
Sorry you are going through this.

clam Wed 10-Apr-13 11:55:19

I wouldn't be letting him hang around the house just biding his time until it's convenient for her to have him move in. If he's going, then he's going. Now.

Guiltypleasures001 Wed 10-Apr-13 11:56:10

Hi Molly

I'm sorry youve been so let down, and I understand our need to let him know how you feel. The thing is he does know and he doesnt want to deal with it because then he would have to recognise what his selfishness has done to you. Until he is able to recongnise this he wont care what he has done, he is in the throws of utter selfishness and is calling all the shots.

You writing that letter doesnt tell him anything he doesnt already know, and in a way gives him sway and power over you, it's like saying oi here's a great big scabby wound you created come and pick it when you want, if you must write it then either do so and then burn or destroy it, or better still write it on here, that can be quite cathartic either way.

The ultimate power trip is for you to pack his shit stuff and tell him now in your time and not in his, your making it easy for him by being able to plan his exit, give him the exit you want, whats best for you and the kids.

He's heading for a car crash relationship, step back and watch it unfold I give it 3 months tops for when the shiny bits start to fade and reality sets in, meanwhile you'll be 3 months down the road of thank fuck he's gone new hair do and peace and quiet.

Lueji Wed 10-Apr-13 12:04:06

Also, putting conditions on your DD meeting the OW, also gives him power.
Particularly if you ask him this for your sake and not your DD.

Mollymom Wed 10-Apr-13 12:05:10

Am so hoping you a right aboyt it not lasting Guilty. Have ripped up letter and will try ti maintain a quiet dignity. Will not agree to OW having contact for the time being for dds sake (well and mine too). Might let mutual friends know as he hasnt done that

MadAboutHotChoc Wed 10-Apr-13 12:06:11

Another one saying he needs to leave now.

He has decided its over, so why is he still in the family home? I hope you are not doing his washing, cooking and shopping!

You need to tell people in RL as you will need their support.

MadAboutHotChoc Wed 10-Apr-13 12:07:23

An make sure child access takes place away from your home and that contact with him is limited to the subject of child access.

Lying cheating toad angry

Mollymom Wed 10-Apr-13 12:18:02

Will do that just keep it all about dd and access
have started to let friends know. thank you all for your advice

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