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Don't really want to post but feel like I'm going nutty!

(130 Posts)
TheOrchardKeeper Wed 10-Apr-13 10:28:46

Long story short, me and DP have been together just under a year. He's taken to DS very well, helps out a lot, is supportive & seems respectful.

But I was borrowing his phone to check my FB via his (he knew and was there) and I saw that he's liked this page & gets daily updates, basically of women in their underwear with the option of seeing them naked elsewhere on the internet (they usually post pics with links to more explicit material).

I know a lot of blokes occasionally use porn and for some reason that doesn't bother me but I just didn't think he was the 'type'.

The issue is partly because I think it's a bit sleazy & partly because whilst not massive I obviously look like I've had a kid naked & despite him saying he prefers me now to when I was a twig, I don't believe him, as I used to be the same size as most of these girls etc.

I know this is probably stupid but I feel like saying something (carefully) to him as I'm now silently judging him & feeling like it's changed my view of him slightly, which isn't that fair is it if I haven't asked him about it.

Sorry for rambling! smile

TheYoniKeeper Sat 13-Apr-13 08:25:37

for me, I can't be 'ok' with my partner watching more than a little porn and am thrilled DP watches less than I actually thought & is more reasonable about it than I expected him to be.

This is because of my personal views on porn & some bad experiences with a nasty ex who was into all that very much so & I strongly believe it affected the way he viewed & valued women as a result.

I posted here because I wasn't sure if I should let it lie or bring it up with DP, as it's such a controversial subject & I find it hard sometimes not to be biased because of that ex.

I do think that couples sort of objectify each other a little, but it's a very different sort of objectification. Not all objectification is negative but I feel the type that's encouraged by porn/glamour shots etc is .

I hope that makes sense smile

TheYoniKeeper Sat 13-Apr-13 08:28:12

^ what fair said - it's hard to objectify someone you actually know or are in a relationship with though some people still manage it

After posting here I realized I needed to bring it up as it was really bothering me and actually if he respected me & my feelings he wouldn't want to do something that made me so uncomfortable. I was right, and luckily he's a good'un in that respect smile

TheYoniKeeper Sat 13-Apr-13 08:31:57

(and when I say objectify in the couple's sense I don't mean to say it's all the time. I think at first, when you're in the honeymoon period and you don't know the other person that well yet and are at it all the time it's probably easy to sometimes forget there's more to them...sometimes).

cjel Sat 13-Apr-13 09:31:27

Yoni - I have been lurking on the other thread and now can't take what you say seriously with out smiling about that thread!!! I think that is the whole key though isn't it - if things are makeing you feel uncomfortable even if it is because of ex then it is worth talking about it with DP and then you will understand what you don't like, why and what he feels about it.xx

TheYoniKeeper Sat 13-Apr-13 10:36:57

My favourite classic thread I think!

And that's the point really. If I was doing something that he was uncomfortable with I'd rather he told me, so we could have a chat about it & I could stop whatever it was (as long as it wasn't an abusive/controlling request i.e ditch all your family & friends! ifswim).

I just wasn't sure if I was being wildly unreasonable myself, hence why I posted smile

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