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So betrayed

(32 Posts)
firstpost Wed 10-Apr-13 05:09:57

Currently 28 weeks pregnant. DH deploys for 7 months next week. He has been away on a lot of foreign trips as part of training. Inspired by another thread I asked him if he went to a strip club when he was last away. Fully expected him to say no, but he had. And then obviously lied as nothing was mentioned at the time.

I should add I am not in a good place emotionally at the moment. Quite depressed, don't feel the "right" way about this baby which makes me me feel so ashamed and disgusted as our first baby was born after infertility and 3 rounds of ivf. Think feelings about the baby all tangled up with fear of this upcoming deployment.

So, after the big reveal I went upstairs he didn't come after me, apologise, or even think he had done anything wrong.

I feel betrayed and powerless and so upset. It's not like we have long to resolve this as he leaves next week. I am disgusted that he went to such a sleazy place, and then lied. And then not even brave enough to talk to me about it.

Not sure why I'm posting, just feel so utterly alone hmm

mummytime Wed 10-Apr-13 11:35:07

I'm not criticising or saying your reaction is wrong BTW. I just think from reading your posts that you are feeling very hormonal and obviously emotional especially as your DH is about to be mobilised. So things may seem even harder to deal with than "normal".

Your MW sounds awful, and what she said is something I would share with other wives. To be honest with that attitude I doubt most women would want her help or advice. Yes it is hard for her that her husband didn't come back, but she needs to get over it or think of working somewhere different, she is not really doing her job.

MrsSpagBol Wed 10-Apr-13 12:06:12


No real advice sorry but just wanted to

empathise with how you feel
tell you that your Midwife is COMPLETLEY out of order - it's not a competition

and finally say that I HATE these bloody strip clubs! Is it even worth it?! they cause sooo much damage to relationships - have seen about 4 threads in the last week.

Sending you flowers

Ledkr Wed 10-Apr-13 12:33:44

Mw is unprofessional btw.
I work on a caring environment and keep my own experiences to myself I'd never minimise a clients feelings because my own were worse. Stupid woman

Lucylloyd13 Wed 10-Apr-13 12:58:45

I cannot see the problem with him going to a strip club. it wasnt one on one, it was a bit of boys entertainment, no more , no less. move on.

MadAboutHotChoc Wed 10-Apr-13 13:29:47

Lucy - OP is entitled to feel the way she does. Don't minimise her distress by saying its nothing when it obviously is a big deal for her.

This is a relationships board and if you have nothing helpful to say, leave.

Ledkr Wed 10-Apr-13 13:41:38

Yes lucy just because you find something acceptable doesn't mean everyone has to.
Strip clubs are not harmless fun if you hurt the feelings of the person you love hmm

Ledkr Wed 10-Apr-13 13:42:29

Massive lol at "boys entertainment" assuming so much.

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