NC because this is so ridiculously pathetic!
I'm a reasonably successful professional in my early 30s. Recently I feel - and mortifyingly enough behave - rather like a teenager instead:
DH and I have been together since our early 20s. I love him dearly and always have - but to me our relationship has always been a bit of a safety based choice: He was caring and loving and stable. And a bit boring. I never wanted to deal with roller-coaster emotions anymore after a particularly bad breakup.
Ten years down the line, things are just not working out anymore. Our ideas of what we want to achieve in life are simply incompatible. He dreams of moving back to his parents' village and starting a family. I have to suppress my flight instinct if I even get within 100 miles of the place. He wants a wife to make a happy home and 'look after him'. I am not and have never been particularly caring - though I am great at the practical stuff he doesn't see as contributing. He wants sex all the bloody time. I'm just not that into it anymore, and I resent him for emotionally blackmailing me into it.
We're great as friends, but we're godawful as a couple.
Long story short: we finally decided to break up because we're obviously making each other miserable. Except when it came to him moving out, he suddenly got cold feet, remembered how much he loves me and asked me for another chance. During which I was to 'just try and do what he wants for a month'. Because I'm a stupid, spineless cow who is terrified of rejection and feels guilty about engaging in it, I agreed.
What doesn't help is that I have recently developed a massive crush at the regional sales manager I work with. He's off limits, alright, married with kids. This is not happening - which doesn't stop me from obsessing about the guy as though I was 17 again.
On top of all the other crap, I've developed an embarrassing case of mentionitis. Now DH has caught on to the fact that there is someone else, I'm scared that sales manager may have noticed that I have a thing for him (he acts decidedly strangely when I'm there) and then of course there's every-bloody-body else, ...
DH is really hurt, I'm mortified. I still want out of the relationship - not because of sales dude but in general - but don't know how. And I'm terrified that the entire company is laughing at me as I type this because I'm acting like a hormonal teen.
Help me sort this bloody mess out, please. I can't believe I'm no smarter than this!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Oh crap, my life! Talk some sense into me please, ...
30GoingOn17 · 09/04/2013 17:35
Don't touch the sales manager! The crush is just a symptom. But you know that.
Your DH is a bit... erm... well, you say caring and loving and stable but... wtf is this "just try and do what he wants for a month"? What does he expect you to do? Are you doing it, and what does it feel like? I hope it doesn't mean you're giving in to the constant sex demands - it's going to be a long month if so. (Do you really have to stick to it just because you said ok at the start? You can always change your mind if it's really not working for you.)
For that matter, "He wants a wife to make a happy home and 'look after him'", er what century is this again? You are, as you say, a reasonably successful professional, but he wants you to be a comfortable home maker. No disrespect to comfortable home makers, it's a valid and respectable role and a skill in itself (actually requiring multiple skills!), but if it's not who you are it's unfair to try and turn you into one. DH would do better to go find himself a woman who enjoys it, rather than chaining you to the kitchen sink until you sort of morph into what he wants you to be. (And what kind of able-bodied adult wants to be looked after anyway? 
)
As for how to go about splitting, go consult a solicitor for the practicalities. Everyone has the right to leave a relationship that isn't working for them. Do it kindly if you can, but firmly. The party of the second part doesn't have to agree.
And again I say, step away from the crush, it will only lead to unpleasantness. Plus it is currently absorbing the energy you should be putting into planning the rest of your life. With DH if he stops playing 1950s magazine hubby, or without.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.