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Am I being taken for a ride here??

(101 Posts)
Venicebeachmaria Mon 08-Apr-13 21:54:20

DP and I decided we wanted to buy a house together. Before taking that plunge however, we wanted to trial living together and as he doesn't currently have a home of his own (sold his house, split money with ex wife and now living with parents whilst he saves up for another deposit) I said he could come and live with me. He said in 4 months time, we could start looking into the finances etc to see what we could afford and what we needed to save etc. That was 6 months ago. So a few weeks ago I brought it up and he said he couldn't think about that until after our holiday. So the holiday comes and goes - we get back and I mention it again, he says he can't think about that until he's 'over' the jet lag etc hmm. A week or so later I mention it again, he says he can't think about that until after Glastonbury (June!) so i said, "that's in June!" and he replied "yes and I also have to think about the summer holiday I'm having with my kids first" - That's august. It seems like there is always some excuse. He told me to save up and he'd do the same, so I have been - I've been saving every penny I have whilst he is going out buying football season tickets and booking festivals. Tonight he started going on about a holiday to Niagra Falls next year --- maybe I should say I can't think about that until AFTER the house thing is sorted?!
Tonight I tried a subtle hint by going on his ipad and leaving it open on Rightmove. When he came to use it, he turned rightmove off without even looking at it and put fucking candy crush on.
He's taking the piss isn't he?or am I being too pushy which is what he implies?

ThreeWheelsGood Fri 12-Apr-13 01:03:40

Great replies here but please PLEASE do not ask him to contribute "rent" towards your mortgage. Legally speaking this will give him a share of the property, even 1/500th let's say, and he could get legal advice and you'll have to sell up if he moves on to release that equity (shudders)

Definitely ask him why he is taking the piss.

StrangeGlue Thu 11-Apr-13 17:49:28

No no no. You haven't trialled living together if you haven't both contributed. He should be contributing 50% of everything not throwing you a few quid as a sweetener now and again.

It was a good idea to trial it as now you know it's not going to work so send him back to his folks.

Do not buy a house with anyone like this! You will be scrimping for his splurging forever and once he's spent his he'll spend yours.

Trial over. Verdict: failed. Off he goes!

StephaniePowers Thu 11-Apr-13 17:35:49

Even if you get him to sort out the finances with you

Don't buy a house with him. Just don't.

He hasn't got the self-respect to see that he is a functioning adult who is expecting you to pay for...everything.

Massive red flag for passive, obstructive and ultimately DULL partner-in-name-only.

BerylStreep Thu 11-Apr-13 17:32:09

I wonder where the OP is.

BeCool Thu 11-Apr-13 16:23:54

Why on earth are you funding the life of a fully grown adult with a job? I think you really need to look at that NOW.

Then you need to have the "Cost of Living" chat with him. He needs to contribute £XXX per month to cover his cost of living. As his 'partner' you might not want to make a profit from him but neither should you make a loss. You could go down the paying 50% of every bill route - but I bet all the bills are in your name, and you would end up being a debt collector for 50% of the bills - not a role I would fancy or want or deserve.

I would calculate a month amount to cover all bill, council tax, rent element, food if you are paying for the - everything. And he pays this to you by Standing Order each month. it is called COST OF LIVING!

However it does very much sound like you have a cocklodger who has no intentions of buying a house with you, and is hugely enjoying his wonderful lifestyle - currently subsidised by YOU.

Longdistance Thu 11-Apr-13 16:15:02

I reckon he's been saving that deposit to move into his own place, and is gonna screw you over.
He's a devious cunt.
Pack his bags NOW!

Planetofthedrapes Thu 11-Apr-13 16:00:06

cockur lodger imnida!

....and thats how it sounds in Korean!

doubleshotespresso Thu 11-Apr-13 15:05:20

My typing at nearly 2 in the morning clearly. Requires better checking, further apologies!

What I clearly meant was put all his belongings into bin bags and then when you have the ha and he again fails to commit money and mind to our agreed plan, call him a cab and put him and said bags in it.

Then call the locksmith and get all changed.

Yes he is taking you for a ride. You should maybe show him this thread?

Jux Thu 11-Apr-13 10:48:34

What Tortoise said!

Kick him out. You're wasting your time and money on this little shit.

doubleshotespresso Thu 11-Apr-13 01:52:17

in the near future -apologies. !

doubleshotespresso Thu 11-Apr-13 01:51:26

Think there are just 2ximmediate purchases you need to make I. The near future OP:

1. bin bags
2. These rices of a good locksmith

almondfinger Wed 10-Apr-13 19:14:16

OP, any news?

Tortoiseontheeggshell Wed 10-Apr-13 07:00:58

I said he could come and live with me. He said in 4 months time, we could start looking into the finances etc to see what we could afford and what we needed to save etc. That was 6 months ago. So a few weeks ago I brought it up and he said he couldn't think about that until after our holiday.

Hang on, so you proposed an arrangement whereby he came and lived with you, and "four months later" the two of you were supposed to START looking into the finances. So even his original proposal was "I will live with you, and then a weirdly specific amount of time later I will start thinking about what happens next". Not, okay, let's live together and split costs and then in a few months assess if we want to go this route. But let's live together with you supporting me, and then we'll start thinking about things.

So from his point of view, what you're trying to do is enforce the "let's start thinking about finances" agenda - i.e., he isn't even at the start point yet. From your point of view, you two have already decided to save money for an exact goal. Which is way ahead.

From OUR point of view, even the initial arrangement was totally mad and unfair, let alone the subsequent events. Why the hell would anyone agree to "you move in and live with me and a few months later we'll start thinking about whether I should pay any money"? Cocklodger right from the start.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Tue 09-Apr-13 23:04:21

He's actively avoiding the issue. His cock is well and truly lodged. hmm

bestsonever Tue 09-Apr-13 22:34:59

Better check why you have passively ended up in this situation rather than sorting the rules of living together from the off, this could occur again in your life if you don't take more control over things.

Midwife99 Tue 09-Apr-13 22:20:37

Everyone agrees with Beryl grin

One tiny detail - does he realise what the word "partner" means? Sharing - that kind of idea? Not taking the piss!

AnyFucker Tue 09-Apr-13 22:12:31

I agree with Beryl.

almondfinger Tue 09-Apr-13 21:59:04

I've just reread your original post and am curious, why did he and his exwife split up? If you don't mind me asking?

Squitten Tue 09-Apr-13 21:44:57

I would suggest that you would be incredibly foolish to tie yourself to this man in any way.

BerylStreep Tue 09-Apr-13 21:37:42

<preen> Never in the history of MN have so many people agreed with me. I shall cherish this moment.

OP, I hope you have a productive conversation this evening.

expatinscotland Tue 09-Apr-13 21:36:33

Yes, he's taking the piss and cocklodging. Cocklodgers need enablers to be cocklodgers. Stop being his.

DontSHOUTTTTTT Tue 09-Apr-13 21:34:40

CerealMum grin

CerealMom Tue 09-Apr-13 21:31:32

Gennitikos enoikos

<Don'tShout - rusty (bad) Ancient Greek trumps Latin ;-)>

The > looks a bit like a dodgy chin goatee

TweedWasSoLastYear Tue 09-Apr-13 21:12:56

Sounds like a charmer , Whats yours is mine, and whats mine is mine as well.
Third on what Beryl and Laurie say.
Back rent + bills + increased Council tax if you were the only adult previuosly on 1/4 discount
If your still unsure of his true colours get some forms from the bank for a joint deposit account , plus a direct debit mandate form.
Say breezily " I was going to put in £xxx , if you could put in £xxx plus £300 towards the costs of living at mine we will have a really good deposit in no time"
Leave a long pause , Do not fill the dead air . Wait , wait abit more. Then take a good look , as that will probably be the last time you see Le Lodger de Cock.

almondfinger Tue 09-Apr-13 20:25:07

What Beryl and Laurie say

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