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Am I being taken for a ride here??

(101 Posts)
Venicebeachmaria Mon 08-Apr-13 21:54:20

DP and I decided we wanted to buy a house together. Before taking that plunge however, we wanted to trial living together and as he doesn't currently have a home of his own (sold his house, split money with ex wife and now living with parents whilst he saves up for another deposit) I said he could come and live with me. He said in 4 months time, we could start looking into the finances etc to see what we could afford and what we needed to save etc. That was 6 months ago. So a few weeks ago I brought it up and he said he couldn't think about that until after our holiday. So the holiday comes and goes - we get back and I mention it again, he says he can't think about that until he's 'over' the jet lag etc hmm. A week or so later I mention it again, he says he can't think about that until after Glastonbury (June!) so i said, "that's in June!" and he replied "yes and I also have to think about the summer holiday I'm having with my kids first" - That's august. It seems like there is always some excuse. He told me to save up and he'd do the same, so I have been - I've been saving every penny I have whilst he is going out buying football season tickets and booking festivals. Tonight he started going on about a holiday to Niagra Falls next year --- maybe I should say I can't think about that until AFTER the house thing is sorted?!
Tonight I tried a subtle hint by going on his ipad and leaving it open on Rightmove. When he came to use it, he turned rightmove off without even looking at it and put fucking candy crush on.
He's taking the piss isn't he?or am I being too pushy which is what he implies?

Venicebeachmaria Mon 08-Apr-13 21:57:29

Should also add, he's living here for free and whilst he does contribute towards groceries/petrol etc he is theoretically living for free despite earning a bloody good wage. Part of me thinks he's got too used to having free money in his pocket that he's dreading getting a mortgage again and being "skint" (although he wouldn't be skint, just not as 'loaded' as he is now).

RandomMess Mon 08-Apr-13 21:57:51

Is he contributing to living at your place, ie rent?

KatieScarlett2833 Mon 08-Apr-13 21:58:28

Cocklodger, sorry hmm

RandomMess Mon 08-Apr-13 21:58:40

I'd tell him he needs to pay up towards living at yours grin

Venicebeachmaria Mon 08-Apr-13 21:59:04

No he isn't. He buys the odd bit of groceries but that's it

nocake Mon 08-Apr-13 22:00:37

Dump him. If this is how he treats his fnancial obligations (or lack of them) now don't even contemplate tying yourself to him financially.

smokinaces Mon 08-Apr-13 22:02:47

Yup, he's sounding rather cock lodger like.

Say "ok, we will leave it till after August, so up to then your half of the rent will be xxxx, bank transfer or cash is fine around the fifth of the month"

RobotLover68 Mon 08-Apr-13 22:03:01

Dump him. If this is how he treats his fnancial obligations (or lack of them) now don't even contemplate tying yourself to him financially.


DiscoDonkey Mon 08-Apr-13 22:04:17

"I can't think about that" translates to "I don't need to think about that because I'm taking you for a mug and your letting me so what's in it or me to buy a house!"

kickassangel Mon 08-Apr-13 22:05:01


Start charging him rent at market rate, plus contribution to all bills. If he isn't doing his share of housework, charge him for that too. I suspect he'll save you the bother of dumping him and head off back to his mother

kinkyfuckery Mon 08-Apr-13 22:06:51

Why on earth is he not paying his share at your home?

BriansBrain Mon 08-Apr-13 22:08:52

You need to start splitting the cost of living or find a new home together

His response to one or both of those suggestions will prove if he is a cocklodger or not he is

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 08-Apr-13 22:08:56

Why the fuck is he living there without contributing to rent?! confused he's taking you for a good ride but you've allowed him to. Put a stop to it now and ask him to either contribute half of the rent or move out until he's ready to think about it

Xales Mon 08-Apr-13 22:11:14

He's planning on staying put with you without putting his hand in his pocket until you have had enough.

4 months to 6 months and now another 4 months minimum. That's 10 months rent free. All the way into next year and beyond if you allow this to continue.

Around here that would for an average 3 bed house set you back £8 -£9k/year minimum. That is without the cooked meals, sex, council tax, hot water etc.

Nice deal for him...

coppertop Mon 08-Apr-13 22:15:34

You moved in together as a trial period before buying a house.

Tell him the trial has shown you that it's not going to work out the way you'd hoped.

He's had 6 months of not paying his way. No holiday is worth putting up with this level of selfishness.

wheredidiputit Mon 08-Apr-13 22:30:26

Surely if you have trail living together that includes him paying half the bills.

As it is he will never want to agree to buying anywhere with you as this will cost him as he will have to pay his way.

AnyFucker Mon 08-Apr-13 22:39:23

you have been very silly

dump the cocklodger

Midwife99 Mon 08-Apr-13 22:41:45

Cocklodger alert! Why would he buy a house when he gets one for free?!!
Not even paying a share of the bills?!! Oh come on honey! You know what to do - send him back to mummy & daddy & tell him to get back in touch when he grows up!
Btw - what did he do with the equity from his last house? shock

NorksAreMessy Mon 08-Apr-13 22:44:26

Le lodger de cock
I thought I would be a bit different smile

Seriously, PLEASE start demanding rent immediately, or off he goes back to Mummy's

Midwife99 Mon 08-Apr-13 22:58:19

gringringrin Norks

DontSHOUTTTTTT Mon 08-Apr-13 23:05:54

Cockeous Lodgercus.

(Latin trumps French, sorry Norks grin )

Sallyingforth Mon 08-Apr-13 23:06:46

It's too late for you to insist on him paying. The fact that he hasn't voluntarily done so already means that he's a tight bastard that you don't want to be living with.

LessMissAbs Mon 08-Apr-13 23:11:59

Even in the unlikely event he isn't deliberately conning you into giving him free accommodation, hes got a damned cheek, to extend a temporary arrangement, based on your goodwill and a promise to buy together, indefinitely.

Quite what do you see in him OP? He is using you. There is something fundamentally wrong with his character, and it will manifest itself again and again.

Venicebeachmaria Mon 08-Apr-13 23:18:55

He has over £21k in bank. Supposedly for this house of "ours" but yeah I'm starting to resent scrimping and saving when he gets to live here for free, buy numerous gadgets, toys, plan holidays and buy season tickets when I'm totally cutting back and saving like we agreed. He's taking the piss big time. He earns over £15k a year more than I do too

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