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Flogging dead horse? New revelation about OW's son's education

(14 Posts)
downunderdolly Mon 08-Apr-13 11:22:24

Posting here to avoid being mental in RL. Previously posted about ex DH OW's son (now all live together) enjoying private education despite saying he does not agree with pay for education and refusing to discuss a joint savings plan with me re our DS (we are overseas so private education more normal here)....anyway....now discover OW son is at equivalent of Eton, when ex had option of our DS going to local fee paying school paid for me but fucked us over on agreed child support at last moment (which is still going through courts).

He in comms about mundane things shoves down my throat about his 'new' family values and how 'they' as a family do this or that so to me it seems bizarre that he would willfully perpetuate a 2 tier system when he could afford to pay half or at least pay for school uniform at a relatively cheap shcool (less than 1/2 price of OW son's school).....

Am i out of order for having red mist rising?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 08-Apr-13 11:34:44

From what you have mentioned in the past this does not come as any surprise but agree you are entitled to feel your DS with this chump has been relegated to a secondary status compared to OW's offspring.

It is possible that OW's ex or her family are footing most of the cost of her child's education, not your ex.

I know you're fuming about the principle of it all and aren't asking for consolation but I am sure as they say "the cream always rises" and your DS will do well at whatever school he attends.

He might go through the motions of feigned upset and bluster but as time goes on do you wonder if he'd actually fight you legally to keep DS in the country if you came back to the UK one Christmas and stayed?

squeakytoy Mon 08-Apr-13 11:37:26

Surely it is down to the choice of the boys mother and father and none of your husbands business where he is educated.

Do you have any proof that your husband is contributing in any way financially towards the boys education?

VenusRising Mon 08-Apr-13 11:41:39

He's paying for the sex with OW isn't he?

Not fair on your DS but a relief for you to be shot of him. Concentrate on what you can do, and focus on yourself and your son. Life sometimes isn't fair, but you're not helpless.

VenusRising Mon 08-Apr-13 11:46:05

Sorry if that came across as harsh, what I mean is that you don't have to go to the Etonian equivalent to get an good education. Concentrate on helping your son, and don't waste energy on feelings about your x, or the ow or her DS. You can't do anything about them, but you can do so etching about your own situation with your DS. Anger is exhausting: sometimes it's just better to choose not to be angry.

Walkacrossthesand Mon 08-Apr-13 11:50:34

Am I recalling right that this is the ex who relished referring to his new set-up as your DS's 'family'? Does he still? Because if so there's scope for a snippy remark (out of earshot of DS of course) next time he does so, along the lines of 'not a 'family' where all the Dcs are treated equally then'... Subject of course to cautions above re ? is ex involved in funding OW son's schooling - it may be nothing to do with him!!

downunderdolly Mon 08-Apr-13 12:06:08

walk. yes I am lectured on their family values so seems like a disconnect.....everyone else - yes don't suppose ex is paying BUT given he stopped DS going to local 'good' school that I was paying for at last moment due to legal error on child support (reneging on about 500 quid a month) feel a bit aggriegved (rightly or wrongly)

izzyizin Mon 08-Apr-13 16:11:29

I'm intrigued as to the 'legal error' which has allowed him to renege on a signifcant sum of money and how it can be remedied.

tumbletumble Mon 08-Apr-13 16:35:23

I can see why you're fed up about this, it seems very unfair, but I assume OW's DS was already at this school before she and your ex moved in together? I can't really imagine him insisting on pulling him out of a school where he is happy and settled, even if it was against his principles?

downunderdolly Mon 08-Apr-13 23:06:12

hey thanks everyone. a good reminder that I need to try not to spend as much time being annoyed about things I can't control....easier said than done...

...I think they key reason I am pissed off is that my ex won't talk about saving for school at all. OW and her son only moved to this city a few months ago so their school choice is new.

I get its likely her ex and or family that are paying (he job would not pay for plus I don't think she is working at moment) and I get that that is her affair.

I am however annoyed that my ex, who rams 'his family' down my throat at every given chance, will not countenance a joint savings plan for our son for High School/university fees. He is not morally against a fee paying school, it had always been our plan, he just now prefers to spend his money on holidays and clothes etc.

but yes, I have to decide not to be annoyed by it or waste anymore energy on it and just focus on providing the best environment I can for my son. thanks, Dolly

springyhappychick Tue 09-Apr-13 11:10:13

I'm not surprised you're incandescent. he has you trapped on the other side of the world like a prisoner, all under the guise that you can't take his son out of the country; yet when it comes to said son it looks like he is less than committed.

But he's a cunt, so it's no surprise.

angry-making, though. How come you have so much contact with him? You say he rams his 'family' down your throat at any and every opportunity, which suggests you're talking to him (or 'talking' to him eg email, whatever). I'd cut that down iiwy. It only brings pain.

loads of love to you dolly x x x x x

springyhappychick Tue 09-Apr-13 11:13:58

and, yes, you can't know where the money is coming from to fund little lord fontleroy at his exclusive private school. But, as you say, cuntface is spending money on expensive hols etc which could be going on school fees.

cunt, as I said.

How are you getting on with building a case to get you both back home to blighty? CF is surely adding to the pile of reasons why you could get a legal hearing??

killerrobot Tue 09-Apr-13 22:14:07

little lord fontleroy

That's harsh (oh, and misspelt). It's not the boy's fault OP's son is being short-changed. He might be a really nice lad; doesn't deserve to have the piss taken on some remote forum because of his parents' choices.

springyhappychick Tue 09-Apr-13 23:27:08

erm. er. um.

ok.

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