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End of relationship, don't know how to feel

(83 Posts)
Brightlydoesit Mon 08-Apr-13 06:59:48

I'm sitting here totally numb yet devastated. My 3 yr relationship has just ended with him walking out the door. It's never been plain sailing, I've been the more submissive partner in this more than in previous relationships and I've often wondered if he truly loved me.

It all began today by me telling him some of how I felt and asking him if he truly loved me. His responses weren't what I thought they should be for example if he'd asked me that I would have said " yes of course why do you ask that" he did say he did but then said I'm not here just for sex or to get my dinner which seemed an odd response. Basically lots of things came out from me which resulted in him turning his back on me in bed and refusing to speak.

Now I don't feel I attacked him as such I just feel I can't speak about how I'm feeling without it ending like that or him saying its all about me. In the end I said how is it going to work if if you've made it so I can't mention my feelings without you accusing me of making it all about me? And he basically agreed and said he'd leave in the morning. This is not the first time simililar has happened I just feel its different this time and he won't be back.

I don't feel cherished by him and that's really all I was asking for. He's now gone back to his place given my key back. All this even after I apologised for having a go at him. When I did that he accused me of not being sorry but just trying to justify what I'd done. I can never win whatever I do.

He has a way of making me feel its all my fault even if I put a foot wrong and apologise. I did say some hurtful things like he's not interested in me or how I feel just in how me being upset makes him feel. He's never upset that I'm upset he just gets angry that I'm having a go at him. It's so frustrating

Basically I'm upset and will miss him badly as I do love him but I don't think it will work and I do believe he cares for himself more. How do I get through this? I feel guilty because his children were supposed to be staying at mine next weekend and they will be disappointed. I did say to him that he could still bring them so as not to let them down and he said no they,l be fine with their dad. He's made me feel I'm a really shit person who will never have a decent relationship and perhaps I won't maybe it is me with the problem

dondon33 Sun 14-Apr-13 18:17:43

Meant to add fab post Alice will also have to investigate that book.

Brightlydoesit Sun 14-Apr-13 18:41:46

You need to think in terms of sometimes it may seem like a step back but then it'l be two steps forward. X

dondon33 Sun 14-Apr-13 18:46:22

I'm hoping so smile

alicepicalo Sun 14-Apr-13 19:28:52

Brightly I don't mind you being nosey - he ended it, which never feels good at the time, but now that doesn't seem to matter at all. He did me a favour; so glad to be rid.

And so pleased you got out and about today, and healthy food and swimming = feeling good smile

Brightlydoesit Sun 14-Apr-13 20:31:09

Yes I'm feeling more positive today smile I realize I might have the odd slip backwards but it won't be the end of the world if I do. Also I have some wonderful support on here and that is really helping me get through

Brightlydoesit Mon 15-Apr-13 19:03:02

Help me please. I am feeling so down again tonight. I've no intention of contacting him but I'm increasingly hurt because its obvious he doesn't give a damn. After 3 1/2 yrs and everything I invested in this it ends like this sad

I don't think I could ever have won where he was concerned really and the thing is I bet he would say exactly the same about me. I'm just sad it had to end like that. I wished him well before he left and said I still care for you but he was really angry and silent. He just said see you around before leaving.

It's a week today since it happened and every argument previously we were in touch the next day. I think it's really sinking in now that its the end. I know it will get better but it's so painful at the moment.

alicepicalo Wed 17-Apr-13 20:18:19


Good, let it sink in that its the end.

Yes, its painful, but there are worse things. Get it in perspective.....all you've lost is someone who treated you badly.

Keep busy and make sure you go for those swims smile

Brightlydoesit Wed 17-Apr-13 20:37:14

I can't believe it!! Well actually now it's happened I can because its not the first time. He has rung me. He made out he was ringing to arrange to return my tv but it ended with him saying he wants the relationship. He said he just had to get out of the house last week because I had been going on for the best part of an hour at him and he had to get away.

Now he keeps texting. I said to him you can't expect to keep dipping in and out of a relationship when it gets tough and told him that every time he's done that it chips away a bit more at the relationship and fuels my insecurity.

Sad thing is I don't think he really has a clue what I mean

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