Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Legally separate or divorce???

(1 Post)
Lahti Sun 07-Apr-13 22:41:16

Hi ladies, just need some advice. After being married to a very controlling man for 10 years I am relieved to say that he moved out 4 weeks ago (I am already much happier).
Problems/worries listed below
1. Since he has moved out I feel very guilty that he has had to move into his mums flat and I am in our nice home (joint mortgage).

2. He initially wanted to have our DD 2 nights a week and alternate weekends. After 2 weeks he said it was too upsetting for DD to stay with him and instead he would come to the house and put her to bed. He arrives at 6pm and stays till she is asleep, which could be hours.

3. His mum is our childcare and continues to mind DD at our home. Which I am thinking is not a good idea.

4. I saw a solicitor last week who advised me to say to H that I wanted a legal separation and that if he wasn't accepting of this to go straight to divorce.

5. I told H I wanted a separation which after much begging, writing me personal letters etc etc he has finally agreed to. However he wants to move back in to sort it out "amicably". I have said no on the grounds of it not being good for DD and also that isn't being separated. He is still insisting.

6. He has also now decided that he want 50/50 custody (I have no issue with this, but it is a bit if a turnaround from no overnight stays)

7. He doesn't want to involve solicitors when agreeing settlement as he thinks they will take all the money.

My view on this
I think he wants to move back on so that he can keep an eye on me and prevent me from arranging anything with a solicitor etc without his knowledge.

I think if he moves in he will never move out again.

He also wants us to both go to see the mortgage advisor TOGETHER this week. Is this a good idea???

I am tempted to just petition for divorce now, but we are still sharing a car to get to work (I am getting one in 2 weeks) and also I was really hoping for my family to be here at the time that he would receive the petition but they can't visit for 3 weeks.

Any advice from you wise ladies?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now