I am a regular (not that prolific) with a recent name change as I had made myself very findable with my old one!
DH and I have one DD, aged 2 and have been married nearly 4 years, together for nearly twelve years. While I was desperate to have DD, he wasn't particularly thrilled when I said I was pregnant. Nine months on, he fell in love with DD instantly and I struggled to bond. I found my maternity leave and return to work (full time) very very hard and looking back I wish I had gone to the doctors as I was certainly depressed. However, informally I talked it through regularly with a medical professional at my work, and I now feel 'myself' again. I am happy working etc. I am also discovering my DD with joy, the bond is all there and I adore her. It helps that I seem to much prefer the toddler stage! She is so funny and lovely and cute. The OCD tendencies that came with my depression/ anxiety seem to have retreated a bit and I am finally able to spend the day playing instead of cleaning!
However, I think my relationship with my DH has been really damaged. Our sex life is very poor (I think we have DTD three times since Christmas). I have gained a lot of weight and feel unattractive and he never initiates anymore. I don't think that is because of my weight gain; I think it is because I have rejected him so many times. Both of us are worried about another pregnancy happening, we couldn't cope with that at the moment. Our relationship has been reduced to functional- we tolerate each other, deal with practicalities, do things with DD, but there is very little between us. And I don't know how to fix it! I know the obvious is spend time together, but we just sit and don't talk! I really love him but if I am perfectly honest, I feel resentful of him because he has found all this so easy and I have found it so hard- and he wasn't even that bothered about having a child in the first place!
Is there a solution here? Has anyone else had any similar experience? Feel free to tell me I need to snap out if it, perhaps I just need to get over myself...
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How can I make it better?
3 replies
EverybodysGoneSurfing · 07/04/2013 19:41
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