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Date No.7 and he's 'in love' with me… I am NOT in love but not good at this.

(11 Posts)
akaWisey Sun 07-Apr-13 11:35:35

Spanning a month I've seen this guy once or twice a week. No texting in between apart from arranging the next date. I've ensured we've done a number of activities. Have made it clear I am not one to be pressured into anything (and MNers who recognise my name will know why).

But Friday night he went completely overboard and declared he didn't love either of his previous LT partners but knows he loves me hmm.

Yes he was drunk (so was I) but I told him he doesn't know me nor do I know him. I ended the date by saying I would be in touch. I felt really uncomfortable. But then he texted an apology for being inappropriate. I texted back that I accept his apology but he needs to CALM DOWN as I'm not into a 'relationship' or anything serious.

So then he texts back that he hopes he hasn't ruined it.

I think he has. How to tell him this is a bit of a dilemma. We live very close by and know a lot of the same people.

Thoughts? Suggestions? i.e I think this is a red flag and that's what I'm very nervous about.

Leavenheath Sun 07-Apr-13 11:43:47

NCing mostly lurker here who remembers your other threads and that yucky man you met after your divorce who was much the same.

I think some men believe that all women want to be 'the best' or 'the biggest love' so they conveniently trash all previous relationships and sometimes the women too - and think that women will be impressed by it.

Some women might.

I know you're not one of them. He's seriously misjudged you.

If he's otherwise ok, just tell him that you don't want anything heavy and he really doesn't need to trash his past or the women involved, for your benefit. Of course you could have a bit of fun here if you're minded to dump and tell him that he's made himself look a bit stupid staying in long relationships with people he hasn't loved and that you're not turned on by men who are that flaky and indecisive.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 07-Apr-13 11:48:01

It's only a red flag if a) it's not in isolation and b) he ignores your feelings. The correct answer to 'I love you' of course is 'that's nice...' and then change the subject. He's apologised... that's something.

akaWisey Sun 07-Apr-13 13:01:02

Leaven thank you.

What troubles me most about his revelation is that my ex h stayed with me LONG after he fell out of love and I was entirely unaware until discovery of the affair(s). To me, this is exactly the same scenario (in reverse) and I don't find it remotely flattering that suddenly he has 'found' love. Whilst he didn't exactly rubbish the DP's he'd had I felt it was far too soon to reveal this to me even if it's true. That's a red flag to me, I agree that flaky and indecisive is what it was (in fact I asked why he married if he didn't love ex w and he said he just went along with it shock.

Cog, it's not isolated. In my mind (now I'm more emotionally intact as an individual) he did ignore my feelings about not wanting anything too much too soon. To me, he said it because he couldn't just wait and see how things developed which is what I'd repeatedly said in response to his "oh my god, I can't believe it, we're on a date etc etc".

I don't know why I keep attracting blokes who seem to unable to just let things progress over time. The last one was the same and I KNOW that he'd have ended up EA had I not binned him off.

I have posted on another thread that one reason I have for being single is that for the first time since PTM went I actually WANT to be single. I like it. I am going to text chappie and tell him I don't want to date him any more.

lubeybooby Sun 07-Apr-13 13:05:09

You sound very switched on. I think I would put a halt to things there too.

I do think early declarations like this really can be a neon flashing red flag warning.

As an aside please do join us over here on the dating thread because we could do with more wisdom and more daters

akaWisey Sun 07-Apr-13 13:16:10

Lubey why thank you! I haven't felt 'qualified' to do that so far but I will!

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 07-Apr-13 13:18:17

Sounds like a very wise decision then. If it's part of a bigger picture & if it wasn't just some drunken slip... then toe to the arse kerbwards. Good luck smile

Leavenheath Sun 07-Apr-13 13:22:13

You're getting even wiser aren't you?

I remember you. I thought you were lovely then and I think you're lovely now smile

Good call.

TurnipCake Sun 07-Apr-13 13:30:27

As someone else said, you sound very switched on, OP. My ex used to complain I had 'too much insight' but that's never a bad thing!

akaWisey Sun 07-Apr-13 13:49:41

Done. I'm relieved. grin.

lubeybooby Sun 07-Apr-13 15:06:03

Massive sign that it was the right choice then grin well done! I missed the history here but I can tell you're awesome wine

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