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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Just received a text

(60 Posts)
Coffee1Sugar Sun 07-Apr-13 07:45:01

From my ex. We split when dd was 2 weeks old, she will be 3 next month. He's seen her 10 times, only day time, never received bday cards or presents for her and no call or text to just require how she is. My dp is a fantastic daddy to her has been since she was 19months.

But it was a shock to get this last night: "hi, been thinking, I don't want to be a part of (dd name) life. It's for the best. Have a good life".

Coffee1Sugar Sun 07-Apr-13 07:45:20

* enquire

Littleturkish Sun 07-Apr-13 07:51:41

What an absolute cock.

Are you ok?

TDada Sun 07-Apr-13 07:54:51

I would reply "huh"

Kyrptonite Sun 07-Apr-13 07:54:53

What a cunt. Although perhaps if he's realised he's not up to the job it's best he leaves her life completely whilst she's younger.

DragonMamma Sun 07-Apr-13 07:55:12

I think you're better off without. You can't force him to care or be involved. My DD's bio dad has seen her 3/4 times in 5.5yrs and we havent heard from him for 4. His choice. His loss.

ZacharyQuack Sun 07-Apr-13 07:57:43

What a cock.

I'd be tempted to reply "Who is this?" but it's probably best to ignore him. Keep a copy of the text just in case the cock comes back.

catballou Sun 07-Apr-13 07:58:48

His massive loss. Hurtful though too I'm sure. Just put him out of your mind and move forward with the daughter's wonderful daddy that she does have...he's the important one and their relationship is what counts not the biological father.

whirligiggle Sun 07-Apr-13 07:58:51

Send a reply to say good as you are a crap father anyway & she will be better off.

What a wanker.

headlesslambrini Sun 07-Apr-13 07:59:11

I think i would be tempted to text back saying - that suits us but you are still paying child maintainence.

SoupDragon Sun 07-Apr-13 07:59:47

It sounds like you're better off without him.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Sun 07-Apr-13 08:02:18

What a disgusting bastard. You're all better off x

Prawntoast Sun 07-Apr-13 08:03:03

Can only echo what others have said, she will be better off without him. My DP's father stopped all contact with him when he was 5, his Mum remarried and DPs step father has loved him like his own for the last 40 years. It sounds like your DP will do the same. Anybody who sends a text like that, frankly isn't worth knowing.

juwie Sun 07-Apr-13 08:03:50

sounds like he's done you both a favour, still a horrible thing to have to deal with, hope you're ok.

Sleepingbunnies Sun 07-Apr-13 08:04:58

What a bastard. You are very much better off without him!

TheSecondComing Sun 07-Apr-13 08:06:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 07-Apr-13 08:08:21

It's almost funny. Like he woke in the morning wondering how his life could be a little better, vaguely remembered he had a DD somewhere and thought 'if I tell coffee I'm not a dad any more, that's that one sorted'.

Maybe you should text back that 'Nice try sunshine. A daughter is for life'

NeverMindOhWell Sun 07-Apr-13 08:15:01

Agree DD is better off without him. BUT be prepared for the day (and it will come) where she turns round and asks about her biological father. This happened to my nephew, he is now 19 but was months old when my SIL and his dad split. His dad was in prison and eventually his mum met someone else, they are still together and have had more children.

My DH's family tried to protect nephew from his waster of a father but it caused him all sorts of problems and he ended up quite an angry and aggressive young man. He used to ask me (!) as his Uncle's wife (and I have only known nephew since he was 8) to help him track down his Dad.

If I had been in my sister in law's shoes I would have kept talking about his biological Dad (which I know is hard), don't slag him off or dismiss him as your DD is a product of this man and it may affect the way she sees herself. Try to answer all questions honestly in an way that is appropriate to the age she is at the time.

As much as you couldn't bear to see her hurt and rejected by him, if one day she is desperate to track him down, do help her but possibly with the advice that he may not wish to be "found". If you don't, YOU will end up being the bad guy and that could affect your relationship with DD.

NickNacks Sun 07-Apr-13 08:17:32

I'd reply 'sorry, who is this?'

Branleuse Sun 07-Apr-13 08:20:36

id say something like headless lambrini said

cupcake78 Sun 07-Apr-13 08:21:16

I don't feel it's his choice to make! He is her biological dad whether he likes it or not.

Surely it's just tough shit. Unless your dd makes that decision it is what it is!

Pleased your dd has a decent male role model in your partner.

LemonPeculiarJones Sun 07-Apr-13 08:26:50

Definitely say something along the lines of, "that's your decision, you'll have to live with it. But the child maintenance continues'

What a horrible, worthless man.

BigFatBarry Sun 07-Apr-13 08:27:50

He sent it on a Saturday night. Is it likely he was drunk?

Being drunk could have made him extra twattish.

It could also have made him depressed about the situation (having a dd and being a bit of a shit dad to her) and being drunk, stupid solutions (like, I know, I'll never see her again) can seem like genius ideas.

I hope it's the latter but fear it may be the former sad and he may also have been stone cold sober, of course.

DontmindifIdo Sun 07-Apr-13 08:36:49

I'd reply with "Huh? You already aren't part of her life, what change are you talking about? You know don't get to opt out of paying child maintenance though don't you?"

catlady1 Sun 07-Apr-13 08:43:34

What a tool. He's right, it is for the best.

Make sure you keep the text just in case he changes his mind, or starts being funny about paying maintenance.

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