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Dating sites, what am I doing wrong, not a sniff of interest!

(29 Posts)
mummytowillow Sat 06-Apr-13 21:42:01

I've been single for four years, and divorced for two years. I have a good life, a bit skint but aren't we all, lovely daughter and some good friends.

But I don't really get out and about. I've been out in the pubs with some of the mums from school but it seems to me people just don't meet like that anymore (I'm 43).

So, after a recent weekend away to visit some old friends, they convinced me to go on some dating website. The male friend said I'm gorgeous and the men will be messaging me like crazy hmm

Female friend said the same, she is dating someone she met on a site and so is male friend. So I though in for a penny in for a pound.

I joined, profile is on there but can't subscribe until I get paid. Also put profile on Plenty of Fish. I have photos and a profile, which I thought was OK. I don't think I'm a minger, reasonably attractive etc.

In a week I've had 67 views on Match, no messages, and nothing, yes nothing on POF. WTF! I though POF was a guaranteed wink

So, what do you think I'm doing wrong, if in fact I am doing anything wrong?

Which are the better sites to go on, or should I give internet dating a miss?

What should my profile say, any tips would be appreciated.

I've just spoken to my best friends husband, he tells it like it is and he thinks I've got something on my profile that is scaring them off blush As he also thinks I would have had loads of messages.

TranceDaemon Sat 06-Apr-13 22:21:14

What sort of stuff have you put on your profile? Have you got photos?

SanctiMOMious Sat 06-Apr-13 22:32:34

watching thread. similar age to u. did iod a while back but gave it up. very few messages too. i might have made it too clear i had fairly high expectations that's all........

mummytowillow Sat 06-Apr-13 22:41:15

I put photos on, I personally think I don't take a great photo and look better in the flesh! But they are OK I think

Put in my profile the usual what I like to do, what I'm looking for, busy life, but time for someone special blah blah!!

notthesamenametoday Sat 06-Apr-13 22:46:07

I read an article a few years ago that was saying that once women get to around 45 men aren't interested in them any more and they don't do well on internet dating sites.

I know you are only 43... but if I were you I would knock three years off. I know it's dishonest but you want to get the opportunity to meet someone first rather than being written off without getting that opportunity at all.

I suspect at some point I will take my own advice. I'm 42 and my marriage broke up recently. Not ready to start looking, bit depressed and low.

But I know I will be 40 or 41 when I put a profile on one of these sites. blush

mummytowillow Sat 06-Apr-13 22:59:37

Sorry to hear that notthesamenametoday, I've been through the same and believe me, it will get better x

My friend said my expectations were too high, I haven't dated for well over 13 years and she said I was expecting to attract men I did when I was a lot younger! wink

Maybe I will knock a few years off then ...

MooMooSkit Sat 06-Apr-13 23:05:26

I met my OH 3 years ago on a dating site but i was 23 at the time. What sort of stuff have you put? I also had a son so stressed anyone who hated kids could bore off! Used good photos, said that I was still my "own person" and not just a mummy and listed what I liked etc, POF i found ridiculous, just got tons of messages and could barely keep up with them whereas match i foud was a bit meh... prob cos the guys had to pay!

fuckwittery Sat 06-Apr-13 23:07:49

Are you sure your profile is visibly public on POF?

OhLori Sat 06-Apr-13 23:26:32

IME Match is a pretty dead site, OP. So don't take it personally.

But I also agree with not-the-same-name that there is a dramatic loss of male interest in women in their 40s hmm.

I got fed up with the whole palava of internet dating, but might be OK if you want to keep it as an option whilst pursuing a more general social life and your own passions and interests.

monsterchild Sat 06-Apr-13 23:30:55

OP, I am also an early 70's model. My OF ad was actually a description I lifted from a Dodge Charger. I modified it to be me, but I got quite a few emails from that and did meet some nice guys. It was a funny, guy-centric ad, the title was "Last of the Pony Cars."

I'd say, write a funny, not too detailed but positive ad and have a guy or two proof it for you. You have to stand out in the crowd!

HullDad Sat 06-Apr-13 23:48:24

Hi mummytowillow

You mention you have a free profile, not a subscription. It may be that there are so many free members in your area that you are lost in the crowd.

You have had views, but no messages. Many of these sites do not allow free profile members to contact other members. It may be that the views are from men who don't want to pay but are hoping for ladies to contact them.

Are you in a popular area? Maybe there are not many men looking in your area. Have you tried doing a search for men in your preferred age range within a certain mileage of your address? if you have found any men you like the look of (profile info rather than just face), have you tried messaging them?

As someone who does not know you, if you want to message me with your profile name on the plenty of fish site, I can have a look at your profile and see if there is anything that I can see that would put me off and offer advice with a private message back.

ClippedPhoenix Sun 07-Apr-13 00:53:25

Don't dispair OP.

I'm 50 and haven't told any fibs.

I have a positive, humourous profile with a few really smiley photos.

I'm on POF and OKCupid, which are non paying sites and have two dates lined up, one from each.

Do you actually contact anyone or are you waiting for the hoards to contact you? I make first contact if I like the look of someone, a wink suffices so you don't have to put any effort into messaging and get upset if nothing comes back.

I'm also on a couple of paying sites - maturefreeandsingle, which sounds like its for old foggies but a lot of the men are 45ish, again I've had plenty of mail but havent subscribed. The same with Zoosk, which I found through Facebook.

Join about 5 and see what happens.

Match is expensive and I found it to be crap really.

deliasmithy Sun 07-Apr-13 01:03:36

If it is to do with profile:

This is your sales pitch - if you were a man what would you want to read?
I think I would jazz it up a bit from 'the usual', make it stand out a little.

Best of luck.

notthesamenametoday Sun 07-Apr-13 01:10:47

I looked on some sites and thought the 40+ were all unattractive. Variations on a theme of fat, bald and knackered-looking. But this my market sad Staying single doesn't look so bad. I'm sure I look a bit over the hill, too.

ReturnofSaturn Sun 07-Apr-13 13:00:08

Same here, on Match. People view, but nothing else. Never thought I was ugly until this online dating malarkey... sad
Im only young, but to be honest i haven't put that much on my profile as can't be bothered as I'am pretty busy a lot of the time.

ReturnofSaturn Sun 07-Apr-13 13:00:59

I just don't know what to write and what style to write it in, in my 'about me' bits.

WafflyVersatile Sun 07-Apr-13 13:06:07

Do okcupid. Positive funny profile.

Do not post a dull profile then say I have a gsoh. Show not tell.

The first profile I ever did I was blatantly not ready. I got two messages. Both telling me to cheer up!

killerrobot Sun 07-Apr-13 13:06:54

I've got a friend who wrote one saying she was really difficult and demanding and got loads of interest.

lubeybooby Sun 07-Apr-13 13:07:45

With PoF you have to keep logging in and out to be noticed in the 'online' list... very few actually search profiles and message that way!

Also make sure your profile isn't hidden

And please join us over here too on the dating thread

issey6cats Sun 07-Apr-13 14:05:42

match .com isnt worth paying for i am on some of the free sites and have had lots of messages and a few dates and im 56 but i decided to pay for 3 months of match. com and got 600 views but not one single message let alone a date ironically thats the site that my ex husband went hunting on to find my replacement

SanctiMOMious Sun 07-Apr-13 15:06:24

killerrobot, that's interesting, demanding in whatway? i wouldn't take any shit now. tbh i'd rather have 2 replies a month than 600 wankers messages to wade through and try and make sense of. if i just go right ahead and say that i'm 42 but the vast majority of you older men would be so fucking lucky to get your hands on me, i am going to be choosy goddamit. the more i read, the more i think i am just going to say what i think and if i get two replies a year so be it. i can survive being single. ican't handle any more bastards andtossers

lubeybooby Sun 07-Apr-13 15:07:58

I found match to be not worth it too. Too many tightarses don't pay for it so no one can do anything but wink. Productive huh? <eyeroll>

Mumsyblouse Sun 07-Apr-13 15:12:02

Have you thought about browsing/or being on sites like the Times or the Guardian, where the men may be slightly more mature (and older and have interesting professions). i think at 43 you are slightly caught between the younger sites, where there's lots of twenty somethings looking for hook ups, and older sites where people are looking for a companion.

SanctiMOMious Sun 07-Apr-13 15:13:03

i'm going to do two profiles i think. one 'hgih maintenance' like killerrobot's friend. and one trying to play the game one. shave two years off my age. be all accommodating. claim i like fat men just as much as i like slim ones. yeh right.

ClippedPhoenix Mon 08-Apr-13 19:25:25

Laughs at Sancti.

The trick is to click on and off during the day and see what builds up or have a few glasses of wine and get winking.

At least with on-line dating you can do it when YOU want and you don't have to spend a fortune "getting out there".

So I really don't understand why people find it so hard or frustrating. Be positive, it comes across.

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