I think maybe I should be putting some thought into this/making a plan.
We are married, have 3 DC... 8, 3 and 2.
He's saying he will kill me if I take the kids. Obviously he doesn't mean it but he's saying he's not moving out and I'm not going with the kids. He works, I don't, so I have not a bean to my name. The house is rented. Car is in my name, but borrowed money in both our names. He has his own car.
I'm in a similar boat to you but our house is mortgaged in joint names which I think makes it more difficult. We can't afford to live now, so to afford a second property to rent is impossible. I feel your pain x
I would say it's because of his moods, the fact that I get anxious when he is coming home if he is in a bad mood, he talks to me like shit and I feel blackmailed into having sex with him (if we don't or ends up in an argument, usually calling me names etc)
He would say because I'm cold, un-loving and our sex life is shit.
I know you're trying to downplay it but you're describing an abusive relationship, sadly. Emotional abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse and what sounds like financial abuse just for starters. It means you'll need to take special care in getting out in order to remain safe even though you say he doesn't mean any of these threats. That's where Womens Aid can be very good with specific practical advice for your situation. The most important things to plan tend to be accommodation and money.
Coercing a partner into sex against their wishes by getting aggressive, arguing and using insults is sexually abusive behaviour. Being in bad moods and talking to a partner 'like they're shit' is emotional abuse. You really don't have to have a black eye to seek assistance from Womens Aid and you probably won't be told to go to a refuge. However, given this threat to 'kill' (whether he's serious or not) they can give you some practical pointers on how best to end the relationship safely. It's not being dramatic, it's being realistic.
If you don't like that idea, you can always seek practical advice from a solicitor specialising in family law (some offer a free initial consultation) and CAB can be very good.
How about you ring Women's Aid, and ask them if they think you are suitable for some support from them? They are the experts. If they think you aren't suitable for their help, they'll gently redirect you to a more appropriate service. But I'd say you aren't in the best position to make that decision. Good luck.
He has threatened your life - please please take that seriously you have no way of knowing how serious he is and otherness have followed through on these threats.
I have no experience of this situation so other posters may correct me but I should think you need to alert the police, I believe you can call 101 and report but ask them to take no action except have it on file, then when you leave let them know so they are aware if a potential risk.
The problem isn't sex btw, it's control,he has taken all the power and THAT is what abuse is. You shouldn't be sat terrified iof him coming home. It's not right and it's not normal.