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Anyone else had a surprise turn-around?

(8 Posts)
Scottishsummer Sat 06-Apr-13 14:19:08

Been with my husband for 22 years, married for 10. Stumbled through some hardships - redundancy, bereavement, serious illness, infertility and its various treatments, ordinary sadnesses (but very lucky to have twins born when I was 42).

We have also had three plunging lows in our relationship when we were out of sympathy with each other for months on end, and there were catastrophic rows. They seem to come in seven years cycles.

At the moment we were are on an up so good I find myself really surprised. I'm wondering if we have finally understood each other. Has anyone else had the bad times turn to good times and stay that way? Has anyone else taken so unbelievably long to reach the best stage of their relationship?

Am asking because I feel that people are honest, open and generous here, and because I'd never ask anyone in real life! Thank you.

racingheart Sat 06-Apr-13 14:51:41

Yes. Currently oddly surprised at how much I love DH, even when he's being his usual curmudgeonly self.
Been together 20 years, married for 18, IVF, 2DC, redundancy, lots of ups and downs, but I like him and trust him. He's nowhere near as strong and dynamic as I thought he was when we met, but he's a much better dad than I imagined and is still able to make me laugh a lot. He's very funny.

Like you we've had some real dips, and tbh circumstances aren't ideal right now but our relationship is at its strongest and I have no idea why.

Scottishsummer Sat 06-Apr-13 15:05:26

racingheart, thank you so much for that. We seem to have had some of the same struggles. And I too have found that even though my husband is less dynamic than he was, he is a far better father than I could have pictured, and that we laugh much more even though are circumstances are far harder.

Do you have a principle of never looking back, are you a steady-minded person? I am a bit of a miserabilist and can't help remember the bad times. Yet even that seems not to be getting in the way.

Sugary Sat 06-Apr-13 16:52:38

We are the same: some real highs and lows, but they've made us stronger. With experience, longevity and maturity, we recognise each other's strengths (of which there are many) and make those a focus. We make a good team and we're very proud of our little family unit.

We've been together 19 years and married for thirteen.

Scottishsummer Sat 06-Apr-13 17:30:50

This is very heartening. Thank you.

When I remember the times I felt like walking off, times when doors were slammed so hard it felt like the facade of the house would fall down, when people shouted and things were said that it seemed could never be unsaid, I feel so glad that we came past them.

racingheart Sun 07-Apr-13 17:41:12

Scottish summer, in the past we've had huge rows where plates and chairs were thrown (both by him - smug emoticon) but they're now light years away. Now we just get on. I often think he's my best friend, and he thinks the same, but luckily the romance hasn't died either. He's good at making me feel very desirable even though I'm a fat old trout pushing 50.

Wideboy Sun 07-Apr-13 18:22:25

We've been married 37 years, 4 boys, (sorry - DSs) and many other blessings over the years, but we had a period of about 8 years, ending in 2005, when I really did not know which way our marriage would go. That 8 year period is a separate story, but since we resolved our difficulties we could not have been happier. We never speak of that episode, unless it is unavoidable, but we absolutely never discuss what happened and why.
I think the reason we survived is that up until we had our wobble our marriage was strong, as it is once again now. We have always been very good friends and I think that basis helped us through.
I am a fairly recent lurker on MN and what interests me (and concerns me

Wideboy Sun 07-Apr-13 18:37:30

Oh bugger -sorry, I pressed something there and ended up posting before I'd finished. I was saying that I have been slightly concerned that some of the accusations made against me during the difficult period are described in the posts on here. They have caused me to ask myself whether I was really that awful. Since we don't discuss that time and we are so happy now, there seems no need, but part of me wants to say to my wife that I can now see that some of the things she said may have been right and that I am sorry for that.
I only ever wanted to be happy like my parents and my in-laws and, after a few hard times, I have got there. I tell my wife that as often as it crosses my mind. She has been a great wife - I frequently tell her that too!

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