Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Dp drinking(13 Posts)
Ok, so here goes.... Im just hoping for some outside perspective really.
Bit of background, Im with dp just over 2yrs and a few months pg, I have a 3yo ds too.
I dont really like dp drinking at the moment, he doesnt drink very much, a few beers here and there, and hes not a bad drunk or anything, can be mildly annoying but hey so can I, and I wouldnt even notice that if I was drinking too!!
Anyway... Dp sometimes wets the bed, hes seen his gp for this a few times, and the diagnosis by the gp is stress.. this is fine, very annoying but we cope ok with it now.
BUT... if he drinks theres a very strong chance he'll have an accident that night. This I have a problem with at the moment, as I am exhausted between being preg and looking after ds, and I dont think its too much to ask for him to not drink for this reason. I dont have a problem with the drinking, just the bedwetting .
So, last night he got a few beers in and had one just before I got home with ds(around 8pm).. I was tired, emotional and angry, so I told him he could go after ds goes to bed, Ive had enough. he left and Text me asking wtf???
I replied that I was tired, emotional and needed a sleep and that if he wanted to drink he could do it somewhere else, that I felt like crap and would be waking up all night. He said hed stay in his brothers, to which I replied to enjoy their great night and Id just sit in worrying about coping with 2 kids on my own, that he could pick up some stuff tomorrow... he asked what, that I had said I didnt want him there, so we spoke on the phone, he said he could come home so I asked if he did would he be drinking, he replied that he would prob relax with a couple of cans. I told him not to come back so...
Later on I got a text asking why am I treating him like this, I replied this morning asking why he chose to drink instead of coming home, that he had made his choice and I wouldnt be treating him like anything for a while after that...
So, I dont know what the hell is going on now, if I am being unreasonable or if he is, if Im seriously overreacting or what, my heads a mess
Hes great in every other way, does so much for me, this is about our only problem but its getting to be a big one lately
Thanks for reading if you got this far, I didnt mean to go on but its good to get it off my chest
YANBU - if DH wet the bed after a few drinks, he'd be sleeping in the bloody shed, whether I was pregnant or not.
I agree. He must know why you don't want him there if he's drinking. He's being selfish.
The GP diagnosed "stress". I have never heard wetting the bed as a symptom of stress in adults (children, yes). It sounds a bit weird. Did your DP accept this diagnosis? Did your DP wet the bed as a child? If it were me, I would get a second opinion.
My ex was like this, and it only got worse. It started with a few cans every night then ended up being over 10 cans a night. He was constantly in and out of work and totally unreliable with DS. He ended up banned for 3 years from driving.
OP, if you feel alcohol is going to be a real problem, I would think very carefully about your future with him.
He needs to be there for you, and I don't feel my xp was there for me, as he was always half-cut.
Babylonreturns I second that
Thanks for the replies, Im glad Im not the only one who thinks its selfish, I did overreact last night I think, I should have sat down and calmly explained that I couldnt handle him drinking at the moment, but I was just so tired and annoyed I flew off the handle a bit, plus I think he should have had the cop on to know without being told.
OhLori, I was surprised when he said that, and even moreso that the gp insisted it was stress when he went back as it kept happening... Ive told dp I want him to get a second opinion but he trusts the gp... It used to happen him but I dont know if it was as a child or how often, Im going to need to sit him down and insist he goes to a different gp, for my sake if nothing else, and explain to him that I need him to not drink for the time being, I had told him there was no need for that but that was before I started feeling the effects of this pregnancy.
We had been coping ok with it until now, I just cant cope with the bad sleep waking up checking the bed at night .
I've seen a few threads like this recently - same issue I mean of man wetting bed after drinking.
Seriously, if DH was to do this it would be a deal breaker. If this man is willing to let you sleep next to him in a pool of his piss, then as far as I am concerned, he has no respect for you, and obviously loves the cans more than he does you.
It's may sound harsh, but it's the true reality of what you are faced with.
It's also not a healthy environment for your children - not being able to get into bed with mummy for a cuddle in the morning in case daddy has wet the bed
Can I ask, when he does wet the bed, does he take responsibility for changing sheets and cleaning the mattress? Or is that left to you??
Again, this would be a deal breaker for me. It is intolerable to have a man wetting the bed through drink, but completely abhorrent for one who expects the woman to clean up after him
I am flitting between you being a bit unreasonable telling an adult what to do, combined with wondering how your dp lives with the shame of wetting the bed particularly so when he has been drinking. How can he continue to do something that triggers wetting the bed. To me that just sounds like a drinking problem (where I suspect 'a few cans' are a lot more in reality) and lack of respect for himself and you. I would find it impossible to live with someone like that, as you describe it.
maidmarian, I dont think alcohol is a big problem, as in he usually only has a few one night of the wkend, and he doesnt even do that very much since I got preg, its just every so often he says oh I got a few cans in and acts like theres no reason for me to get annoyed about it... as I said the only thing that poses a problem is the fact that he wets the bed, but he ignores this fact, I think hes in denial about how serious that is.
Im not dismissing what you are saying at all, I am not stupid enough to think I know it all, I dont know what is to come but at the moment alcohol does not rule him or affect our life apart from that one issue... coupled with my mood last night it got a bit out of proportion, and we need to sit down and sort this out so that doesnt happen again
BabylonReturns, he takes responsibility for cleaning up, I did it the first time and then I made it quite clear that I wasnt doing that ever again.
Redskynight, its usually about 4 cans of beer, but it can happen after just one occasionally, if hes tired or stressed etc .
I appreciate the replies, am contemplating showing him this thread if he doesnt acknowledge how big an issue this is
How do you know that the GP said it was caused by stress? Did the GP tell you that or is that what your DP said the GP said?
If you had an embarrassing bed-wetting problem that was more or less OK as long as you didn't eat chocolate cake every night, what would you do? If you had an embarrassing bed-wetting problem that was more or less OK as long as you didn't drink alcohol every night, what would you do? If your DP's answer to these two questions is different to your answers, then you both have very different values and that is going to make your relationship difficult.
rosabud its what he told me the gp said, but I have no reason to distrust him...
Ill update after I speak to him today/this eve, hopefully with something positive.
Thanks so much to you all for taking the time to reply, Ive taken everything on board and appreciate it
Your partner pisses the bed, and it's worse after he drinks beer. Then he gives it back to you when you say you don't want him to do the one thing likely to cause a repeat ?
Put the dog out until it is housetrained.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now »
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.