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Am I right to be annoyed by this?

(67 Posts)
Mouseyinmyhousey Sat 06-Apr-13 10:26:14

There is history here but I don't want to go into it all because I want to ask opinions on just this. Otherwise people will all just be saying he's a waste of space anyway.

Basically my p was really ill starting Monday with flu like symptoms, he was really, really bad, with fever, aching and even threw up. By Wednesday I'd caught it too and we've both been terrible. P seems to be over the worst now but today ds (4) has got up really ill, high temp and vomitted.

The reason I'm upset is the way p has acted. First he said he thinks he got ill because he hasn't had his hair cut and can't wash it properly, which I think is ridiculous because it's only regrowth from a normally number 1 cut. Then he said he thinks he's got ill from pulling the fridge out at the weekend as we cleaned behind it and it was all dusty. He's been having a go at me for taking paracetamol and ibruprofen saying that they're making me worse, even though I feel that they bring me fever down and relieve my headache.

Last night he really upset me, I went up to bed first and spilt some of my glass of water on the duvet as I was weak and shaky. The duvet was folded over and the water would have been directly on p when he came to bed, so I flipped the duvet over so that the water was on my side but on the top. P came up a bit later and started having a moan about why the quilt was the wrong way over and how he couldn't sleep like that, I told him why but he said we'd have to flip it back, turn it round and meaning I'd have the wet patch on my feet, I said I didn't want the cold wet patch on my feet and he was yelling saying I'd have to curl up and it was my fault for spilling the water and how he couldn't sleep as the top of the duvet cover was bobbly and irritating his skin.

Today he'd planned to get his hair cut and then do some work round his sisters new house, fitting some electrics which will take the whole day. I was fine with this but as ds has got up and is now really poorly too, I thought he should give the electrics a miss and give me a hand.

The house is like a bombs hit it because we've both been so ill all week. P made himself a dinner last night and there isn't a thing clean in the kitchen and he's just left it all.

I'm fed up of him, there's loads of diy jobs that need doing here but he spends half of his time doing jobs for his family instead.

I basically said as ds is now ill too and I still feel terrible couldn't he stay but he just went off on one said he's still ill too so what use will he be, and apparently it's my fault ds is ill for cuddling him.

I just really fucking hate him right now.

Alambil Sun 07-Apr-13 21:37:23

he's abusive.

you need to get him out of your house and lives before he does lasting damage to your children and yourself.

"I'll change" is one of the most classic lines - they will change as you found out - for a very short time and then they'll slowly revert to type.

sipofwine Sun 07-Apr-13 21:31:16

I can only add to what everyone else is saying but feel compelled to join in anyway!! He sounds like an arsey little child with absolutely no empathy. The way he lay in the bath whilst your son was covered in vomit smacks of someone who is selfish and, well, an idiot. I hope you are strong enough to end this relationship once and for all - particularly for your son's sake. He deserves to live happily with his mum.

Walkacrossthesand Sun 07-Apr-13 21:17:28

How about 'the only chat we need to have now is about the details of our split - see you tomorrow!'

Mouseyinmyhousey Sun 07-Apr-13 20:38:56

No but I'll download it, have heard of it before.

I know how I feel about it but just can't help wondering if it was worth the fallout.

DippyDoohDahDay Sun 07-Apr-13 20:27:57

Hi op. have just checked back in. He is a head fuck. He has you doubting yourself over things that you know are not ok and then telling you that your behaviour is at fault.
On your last thread, did no one tell you to read Lundy Bancroft 'why does he do that?: inside the minds of angry and controlling men'. Please, get on amazon and order a copy, ASAP. Then highlight every sentence that rings true. Then take notice. I did. I hated splitting my family up, but I much more hated the idea of my sons growing up with his behaviours and values.

Mouseyinmyhousey Sun 07-Apr-13 19:57:24

Something else he said which I thought was really off.

He told me he'd been sick twice. I said I thought it was only once. He said it was twice but he didn't tell me as the first time he'd been sick in the sink and hadn't cleaned it as in bleached it. I said that was disgusting as ds washes his hands and face in the sink. He then said he was only joking. I asked why he would joke and he said because he wanted me to think her been sick more than once.

I don't even know if he really was or not but really don't understand why he'd do or say that.

Mouseyinmyhousey Sun 07-Apr-13 19:49:37

I really wasn't sure if I was expecting too much. Had it just been myself ill I'd have not batted an eyelid but being ill plus ill and vomitting child and house in a tip has been hard going.

And as I say it's not the first time, in fact its almost as though there's been a concious effort to avoid being around if one or both of us is sick.

RemoteControlledChaos Sun 07-Apr-13 19:48:34

It's not you!! Please don't think it's you.

expatinscotland Sun 07-Apr-13 19:45:42

'He's text saying that if I say sorry maybe he'll come back. I said he's the only one who can't see how horrible it was to bugger off out all day leaving me to the house in such a state his response was f off and its my fault ds is ill for cuddling him and I must have wanted him to get ill. Just gets nicer doesn't it.'

I'd tell him not to bother, just to get to fuck and come back for his clothes.

flippinada Sun 07-Apr-13 19:40:17

Lovely, its really not you. He's a thoroughgoing arse.

Angelico Sun 07-Apr-13 19:40:12

Get shot of him. Good luck.

flippinada Sun 07-Apr-13 19:39:38

The comment about your late aunt is just disgusting.

I'm reminded of when my lovely gran died and my XP couldn't be bothered coming to the funeral because he was too busy at work.

Mouseyinmyhousey Sun 07-Apr-13 19:39:19

I'm going to make an appointment tomorrow. It looked like a red spot next to the mole Fri and now it has crusted over. P just said I'm being stupid and its just a spot on a mole apparently he gets them all the time.

I'm really fed up starting to wonder if its just me, he's still adamant that he's done nothing wrong. He hasn't even come back is at his mum, said he will tomorrow to get his stuff for work and have a chat.

flippinada Sun 07-Apr-13 19:37:37

You're not being oversensitive, he sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant man.

Ditto others who have commented on the getting flu from washing your hair and not taking paracetamol etc. He's either got some mental health condition or he really is thick as mince.

SquinkiesRule Sun 07-Apr-13 19:04:58

Sorry OP he wasn't changed he just managed to behave himself for the last 8 weeks and now he's himself again.
Get that mole checked at the Doctors ASAP.

Loulybelle Sun 07-Apr-13 13:42:10

Sorry Mousey, but he will never change, hes just not emotional at all.

Also a crusted over mole, is a cause of concern, get it checked.

Mouseyinmyhousey Sun 07-Apr-13 13:28:19

He's still being vile. As far as he's concerned I'm the one who should be saying sorry.

He said he's still ill and I need to just get on with it like he is.

I'm feeling really shit I can't believe he's acting like this he was nice as pie going back 8 weeks promising everything would change. He's still saying it's my fault ds is ill and he reckons he does more than a lot of blokes would do.

I noticed a mole had developed a red spot and today appears to have crusted over, I mentioned that said I'm worried I've Bern told there's nothing wrong with it and I'm being stupid.

whethergirl Sun 07-Apr-13 00:42:13

Mousey nothing you could say about him would change my mind about the fact that he is a horrible person, and as for the flu theory stuff - I don't what to make of it. Either he has got some kind of OCD thing going on or another mental health disorder or he really is very stupid.

Not even on my worse of the worst PMT days (and I can be a deranged bitch) would I blame my ds, or anyone he had cuddled, for being ill. When either me or ds are ill, we still cuddle, it can't be avoided! Nor would I think about anything else except getting medicine for my ds if he needed it. And I couldn't sit there having a soak while my poor ds was vomiting. Nor could I make anyone sleep with a wet duvet on them.

He is seriously lacking in empathy, and I don't think it's normal.

deliasmithy Sun 07-Apr-13 00:31:27


This man is giving Dads a bad name at the mo.

His text indicates he needs a bit longer to think about things.

ChasedByBees Sun 07-Apr-13 00:19:28

Horrible horrible man. LTB.

DoctorAnge Sun 07-Apr-13 00:08:02

He sounds like a total looser. Your poor son.
Can you not just boot him out and spend some time bonding with your little boy?

clam Sat 06-Apr-13 23:58:41

Let me get this right, he seriously thinks that you can pick up a flu virus by not being able to wash longer hair properly and moving a fridge? And he doesn't understand that Calpol/paracetamol/ibuprofen etc.. can help bring a temperature down and relieve symptoms?
Well, if you are "making him out to be thick and taking the piss out of him." I don't blame you, to be honest. That's how he's coming across.

AnnieLobeseder Sat 06-Apr-13 23:14:37

This man doesn't care for you at all. But you know that, don't you?

Fairenuff Sat 06-Apr-13 23:05:00

I did tell him last time it was his last chance


Why did you say that op?

You clearly don't mean it.

No wonder he doesn't take any notice of you if keep saying things you don't mean.

SanityClause Sat 06-Apr-13 21:58:36

You have to say sorry before he will come back?

Well, that's easy, then......

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